SNL Transcripts: George Carlin: 10/11/75: Wolverines



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 1






75a: George Carlin / Billy Preston, Janis Ian

Wolverines

Written by: Michael O’Donoghue

Professor…..Michael O’Donoghue
European Immigrant…..John Belushi
Stage Manager…..Chevy Chase

[ Open to a small room with two men sitting in chairs ]

Professor: Let us begin. Repeat after me.

[ European Immigrant in tight-mouthed concentration, nods ]

Professor: I would like…..

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] I would like….

Professor: ….to feed your fingertips….

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent] ….to feed yur fingerteeps….

Professor: …to the wolverines.

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] ….to de wolver-eenes.

Professor: Next, I am afraid….

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] I em afred…

Professor: …we are out…

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] …we are out…

Professor: …of badgers.

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] …of badjurs.

Professor: Would you accept…

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] Would you accept…

Professor: …a wolverine…

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] …a wolver-eene…

Professor: …in it’s place?

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] …een es place.

Professor: Next, “Hey,” Ned exclaimed…

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] “Hey,” Ned asclaimed…

Professor: “let’s boil…

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] “let’s boil…

Professor: …the wolverines.”

European Immigrant: [ in thick accent ] …the wolver-eenes.”

Professor: Next…

[ The Professor suddenly gasps, clutches his chest, and falls off his chair to the floor, obviously stricken with a heart attack. The Immigrant looks puzzled for a moment, then repeats the Professors gasp, clutches his chest, and throws himself on the floor. ] [ Stage Manager enters the scene, peers at the two lifeless figures and looks into the camera and smiles. ]

Stage Manager: Live from New York.. it’s Saturday Night!

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