SNL Transcripts: Paul Simon: 10/18/75: Goodnights



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 2



75b: Paul Simon / Art Garfunkel, Randy Newman, Phoebe Snow, Jesse Dixon Singers

Goodnights

…..Paul Simon
…..Bill Bradley

Paul Simon: I just want to take this opportunity to thank, uh, all the guests who were on the show – Phoebe, and, uh, Randy Newman, who I never met and this was my opportunity to meet him, I was very happy to do so. And, of course, I want to thank Art Garfunkel, uh, the film by Albert Brooks, The Muppets, Chevy Chase, and, uh – have I forgotten anybody?

[ Bill Bradley suddenly appears in the background, carrying a huge basketball trophy ]

Paul Simon: I – I hope not — the Bees! I forgot the Bees!

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Bill Bradley, of the New York Knicks!

[ the audience cheers as Bradley steps forward and towers over a surprised Simon ]

Paul Simon: Oh! Oh. Oh. [ he mimes a jump shot towards the top of the trophy ]

Bill Bradley: For one-on-one players everywhere, I present you with this trophy. Congratulations!

[ Bradley hands Simon the oversized trophy, which nearly drops Simon to the floor ]

Paul Simon: I’d just like to say, if Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is watching, most of this week — most — [ Simon loses his grip on the trophy, nearly stabbing Bradley’s chest with it ] Ooh! I’m sorry, Bill. Most of this week, I’ve been, uh – I have been practicing going to my right! So this film can be very misleading about going to the left. I just wanted to say: I’m ready! Good night. Thank you.

[ Simon places the trophy onto the stage floor and shakes Bradley’s hand ]

Announcer: The Muppets are Frank Oz, Jerry Nelson, Richard Hunt and Jim Henson. Next week on “NBC Saturday Night”, Rob Reiner will be your host. Joining Rob will be The Lockers, Penny Marshall, Jim Henson and his Muppets, another film from Albert Brooks, and a variety of music and comedy entertainment. Don’t miss Rob Reiner, next week on “NBC Saturday Night.” This is Don Pardo, saying, “This is Don Pardo, saying, ‘This is Don Pardo, speaking.'” Your announcer this evening has been Don Pardo. Maybe next week, I’ll sing.

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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