SNL Transcripts: Paul Simon: 10/18/75: Goodnights

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 2



75b: Paul Simon / Art Garfunkel, Randy Newman, Phoebe Snow, Jesse Dixon Singers

Goodnights

…..Paul Simon
…..Bill Bradley

Paul Simon: I just want to take this opportunity to thank, uh, all the guests who were on the show – Phoebe, and, uh, Randy Newman, who I never met and this was my opportunity to meet him, I was very happy to do so. And, of course, I want to thank Art Garfunkel, uh, the film by Albert Brooks, The Muppets, Chevy Chase, and, uh – have I forgotten anybody?

[ Bill Bradley suddenly appears in the background, carrying a huge basketball trophy ]

Paul Simon: I – I hope not — the Bees! I forgot the Bees!

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Bill Bradley, of the New York Knicks!

[ the audience cheers as Bradley steps forward and towers over a surprised Simon ]

Paul Simon: Oh! Oh. Oh. [ he mimes a jump shot towards the top of the trophy ]

Bill Bradley: For one-on-one players everywhere, I present you with this trophy. Congratulations!

[ Bradley hands Simon the oversized trophy, which nearly drops Simon to the floor ]

Paul Simon: I’d just like to say, if Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is watching, most of this week — most — [ Simon loses his grip on the trophy, nearly stabbing Bradley’s chest with it ] Ooh! I’m sorry, Bill. Most of this week, I’ve been, uh – I have been practicing going to my right! So this film can be very misleading about going to the left. I just wanted to say: I’m ready! Good night. Thank you.

[ Simon places the trophy onto the stage floor and shakes Bradley’s hand ]

Announcer: The Muppets are Frank Oz, Jerry Nelson, Richard Hunt and Jim Henson. Next week on “NBC Saturday Night”, Rob Reiner will be your host. Joining Rob will be The Lockers, Penny Marshall, Jim Henson and his Muppets, another film from Albert Brooks, and a variety of music and comedy entertainment. Don’t miss Rob Reiner, next week on “NBC Saturday Night.” This is Don Pardo, saying, “This is Don Pardo, saying, ‘This is Don Pardo, speaking.'” Your announcer this evening has been Don Pardo. Maybe next week, I’ll sing.

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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