Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 3
Droolers Anti-Defamation League
…..Chevy Chase
[FADE IN on Chevy Chase standing in front of a black background. He wears a white shirt, black tie, and dark-rimmed nerdy glasses. SUPERIMPOSE the caption, A PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE. Chevy speaks haltingly in a very nasal voice.]
Chevy Chase: In America today, certain oppressed minorities… [long pause, takes a deep breath] …are treated like second class citizens. All because of a harmless little affliction. I refer to saliva displacement difficulties, or, as we are sometimes called, droolers.
[Drool trickles out of Chevys mouth and dribbles down his chin. The audience chortles with laughter.]
Chevy Chase: We at the Droolers Anti-Defamation League are working to correct the negative image of droolers propagated by the media.
[Slobber spills all the way onto his shirt.]
Chevy Chase: For example, how many people know that many famous individuals throughout history–the great philosopher Spinoza, authoress Charlotte Bronte, and world leader Mahatma Gandhi–were actually droolers? Contemporary droolers include Don Pardo.
[Audience roars with laughter as Chevy continues drooling.]
Chevy Chase: There is no reason… why…
[Chevy struggles not to crack up along with the audience.]
Chevy Chase: [stumbling on words] There is no weason why a drooler cannot function as a useful, active member of society. Sealing envelopes, for example, are a small…
[Audience howls with laughter while spit continues to run down Chevys chin.]
Chevy Chase: Like everything else, drooling is a handicap. But it is a handicap that can be licked. Thank you.
[FADE to black over applause.]
Submitted by: Joe Cornfield
