Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 3
Droolers Anti-Defamation League
Chevy Chase: In America today, certain oppressed minorities… [long pause, takes a deep breath] …are treated like second class citizens. All because of a harmless little affliction. I refer to saliva displacement difficulties, or, as we are sometimes called, droolers.[Drool trickles out of Chevys mouth and dribbles down his chin. The audience chortles with laughter.]
Chevy Chase: We at the Droolers Anti-Defamation League are working to correct the negative image of droolers propagated by the media.[Slobber spills all the way onto his shirt.]
Chevy Chase: For example, how many people know that many famous individuals throughout history–the great philosopher Spinoza, authoress Charlotte Bronte, and world leader Mahatma Gandhi–were actually droolers? Contemporary droolers include Don Pardo.
Chevy Chase: There is no reason… why…[Chevy struggles not to crack up along with the audience.]
Chevy Chase: [stumbling on words] There is no weason why a drooler cannot function as a useful, active member of society. Sealing envelopes, for example, are a small…[Audience howls with laughter while spit continues to run down Chevys chin.]
Chevy Chase: Like everything else, drooling is a handicap. But it is a handicap that can be licked. Thank you.
Submitted by: Joe Cornfield