SNL Transcripts: Rob Reiner: 10/25/75: Droolers Anti-Defamation League


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 3

75c: Rob Reiner

Droolers Anti-Defamation League

…..Chevy Chase

[FADE IN on Chevy Chase standing in front of a black background. He wears a white shirt, black tie, and dark-rimmed nerdy glasses. SUPERIMPOSE the caption, “A PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE.” Chevy speaks haltingly in a very nasal voice.]

Chevy Chase: In America today, certain oppressed minorities… [long pause, takes a deep breath] …are treated like second class citizens. All because of a harmless little affliction. I refer to saliva displacement difficulties, or, as we are sometimes called, “droolers.”

[Drool trickles out of Chevy’s mouth and dribbles down his chin. The audience chortles with laughter.]

Chevy Chase: We at the Droolers Anti-Defamation League are working to correct the negative image of droolers propagated by the media.

[Slobber spills all the way onto his shirt.]

Chevy Chase: For example, how many people know that many famous individuals throughout history–the great philosopher Spinoza, authoress Charlotte Bronte, and world leader Mahatma Gandhi–were actually droolers? Contemporary droolers include Don Pardo.

[Audience roars with laughter as Chevy continues drooling.]

Chevy Chase: There is no reason… why…

[Chevy struggles not to crack up along with the audience.]

Chevy Chase: [stumbling on words] There is no weason why a drooler cannot function as a useful, active member of society. Sealing envelopes, for example, are a small…

[Audience howls with laughter while spit continues to run down Chevy’s chin.]

Chevy Chase: Like everything else, drooling is a handicap. But it is a handicap that can be licked. Thank you.

[FADE to black over applause.]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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