Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 3
Rob Reiner: Ya know, thank you, you know during the break we just had, somebody came up to me and asked me if Sally Struthers was really my wife, a lot of people ask me that. It’s not true, my real wife is Senator Lowell Weiker. No, of course not. That’d be silly wouldn’t it? No, my real wife is a lady named Penny Marshall and she’s out there in California and I want to say hello, hi Penny, hello Tracy, ok, enough family stuff. Ok, on with the show. You know, over the past few years many people have become fashion concious and (continues, indistinct)
V.O: What Rob doesn’t know is that we’ve secretly flown his wife Penny to New York and she’s here in the studio right now.
(Penny walks out on stage, applause)
Rob Reiner: (overwhelmed) this is-this is amazing! I didn’t know you were coming!
Penny Marshall: Ya you did. Fashion show.
Rob Reiner: ya, right fashion show.
Penny Marshall: Now here’s our cast to demonstrate the most commonly made fashion mistakes.
(Gilda walks out wearing a bright orange shirt and pants with a straw hat on her head and her bra and underwear on the outside)
Penny Marshall: Heres Gilda in a Velour pantsuit, perfect for that mid-afternoon rendezvous. Can you spot Gilda’s fashion flaw?
Rob Reiner: Don’t wear your underwear on the outside. Or if you absolutly must-
(Gilda turns around revealing Thursday written across her underwear)
Rob Reiner: At least make sure you get the day right.
Penny Marshall: Thank you, Gilda.
(Laraine walks out wearing a sparkly white gown with plastic over it and a coat hanger in her mouth)
Penny Marshall: Here’s Laraine, looking her loveliest in this rhinestone-studded creation. Can you spot where Laraine slipped up?
Rob Reiner: In that last minute rush of getting ready for that big date, don’t forget to remove the cellophane and hanger from your freshly dry cleaned clothes.
Penny Marshall: Thank you Laraine.
(Garrett comes out in a grey suit with a chair duck taped to his back)
Penny Marshall: Here comes Garrett, the talk of the town in a smary, confidental, chalk-striped suit. Can you find what fashion law Garrett is breaking?
Rob Reiner: Don’t wear furniture. Have faith and a chair will be provided should you be required to sit.
Penny Marshall: Thank you, Garrett.
(Jane comes out wearing an olive green top, an orange skirt, and a giant hamster head over her head)
Penny Marshall: Here’s Jane, a wild and beguiling gypsy ready to set your heart aflame for if not for one fashion faux pas.
Rob Reiner: Jane is wearing a hamster head. Don’t wear hamster heads, you’ve got a face, lets see it.
Penny Marshall: Thank you, Jane.
(Dan comes out wearing a dark grey leisure suit over a yellow T shirt)
Penny Marshall: Oh look, here’s Danny in a double-knit leisure suit from Norman of Newark. Where has Danny missed the boat?
Rob Reiner: Danny is wearing a double-knit leisure suit from Norman of Newark. Don’t wear them, they make you look like a moron.
Penny Marshall: Thank you Danny.
(John comes out wearing a striped shirt and white shorts with a lobster attached to his eyebrows)
Penny Marshall: Here’s John, the beachcomber. A welcomed guest at any clam bake. Can you guess where John wiped out?
Rob Reiner: Don’t where lobsters on your eyebrows. It’s painful, it’s unattractive, and you won’t score any fashion points for being cruel to crustaceans.
Penny Marshall: Thank you John.
(Michael comes out wearing a fancy black tuzedo with a top hat and a cane)
Penny Marshall: And last but not least, here’s Michael, Mr. Sophistication himself in top hat and tails. Only, isn’t Michael wearing on tail too many?
(As Michael walks down the runway, you can see a long strand of toilet paper coming from the back of his pants)
Rob Reiner: Don’t get caught with a toilet paper tail. Toilet paper should be used and not worn. People might think you were doing it as a cheap joke.
Penny Marshall: Thank you Michael, and thank you too, weren’t they wonderful?
Rob Reiner: We’ll be right back after this filmed message.
Submitted by: Rebecca King