SNL Transcripts: Rob Reiner: 10/25/75: Felina Cat Food


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 3

75c: Rob Reiner

Felina Cat Food

[ open on close-up of Spokesman leaning forward in supermarket aisle ]

Spokesman: We have a cat food so good.. that you can’t tell it’s cat food! And we’re here in Fort Francis, Missouri to prove it! [ leans back to reveal two matching cookware dishes on a foldout table, as camera pulls wide ] Hi, I’m TV’s Ross Potter, at Mel’s Value King, for Felina Kitchens! We’ve prepared TWO identical casseroles. The only difference – the one was made with eighty-cents’ worth of expensive canned tuna; the other, with forty-cents’ worth of Felina Cat Food.

[ dissolve to Spokesman spooning out a sample of the first casserole for a passing housewife ]

Spokesman: Mrs. Fran Bartman, would you tell us which one you prefer? [ inserts the spooned sample into her mouth ]

Mrs. Fran Bartman: [ chewing ] It’s good.

Spokesman: And now, the other. [ spoons a sample of Felina and inserts it into her mouth ]

Mrs. Fran Bartman: Mmm.. this is better!

Spokesman: Tell me, how does this compare with your tuna casserole at home?

Mrs. Fran Bartman: It’s, uh.. CHUNKIER! And, uh.. CREAMIER! It — it has a higher tuna-to-noodle ratio!

Spokesman: Mrs. Bartman, would you servie this to your family at home?

Mrs. Fran Bartman: [ nods her head ] I would – I WILL! [ laughs ]

Spokesman: What would you say, Mrs. Bartman, if I told you that this casserole was made with the expensive tuna — [ points to the first casserole and removes a sleeve from its can, then points to the second casserole ] while this casserole — the one that you preferred — was made with Felina Cat Food.

[ Mrs. Bartman’s smile quickly turns to a disgusted scowl ]

Spokesman: [ holds up a can to the camera ] Felina Cat Food! So good, that your cat will be tempted to eat it with a fork!

[ Mrs. Bartman fidgets uncomfortably, as we fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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