SNL Transcripts: Rob Reiner: 10/25/75: Middle American Van Lines


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 3

75c: Rob Reiner

Middle American Van Lines

[ open on exterior shot of two-story suburban house, as two movers walk up the concrete steps to the front door. Their van is parked in the foreground. ] [ the movers ring the doorbell; housewive opens the door and lets them in ]

Announcer: You’re moving. Saying godbye to old friends. Looking forward to making new ones.

[ Housewife sentmimentally rubs her hand on a curio cabinet ]

Announcer: It’s not always easy to leave a place you love. We understand. That’s why we take good care of the things you care for most.

[ Mover enters room, where a man sits in a rocking chair. The mover carefully picks the man up and carries him across the room and to the front door. ]

Announcer: At Middle American Van Lines, we believe in doing things right.

[ the Mover carefully adjusts the length of the man before carrying him through the threshold of the door ]

Announcer: We treat everything that belongs to you, just as though it belonged to us.

[ another pair of movers carry a second down the stairs ]

Announcer: We give your most prized possessions the attention they deserve.

[ Mover throws a dropcloth over the Housewife, then carries her out of the room ] [ cut to the action at the van – family members propped up against the side of the van, as the movers place them inside one at a time ]

Announcer: And we make sure your entire household reaches its destination in one piece.

[ the Movers close and lock the van doors, then the van drives away ]

Announcer: At Middle American Van Lines, we don’t move furniture

[ close-up of sidewalk – a teddy bear that was left behind ]

Announcer: — we move people.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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