Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 3
Middle American Van Lines
[ open on exterior shot of two-story suburban house, as two movers walk up the concrete steps to the front door. Their van is parked in the foreground. ]
[ the movers ring the doorbell; housewive opens the door and lets them in ]
Announcer: You’re moving. Saying godbye to old friends. Looking forward to making new ones.
[ Housewife sentmimentally rubs her hand on a curio cabinet ]
Announcer: It’s not always easy to leave a place you love. We understand. That’s why we take good care of the things you care for most.
[ Mover enters room, where a man sits in a rocking chair. The mover carefully picks the man up and carries him across the room and to the front door. ]
Announcer: At Middle American Van Lines, we believe in doing things right.
[ the Mover carefully adjusts the length of the man before carrying him through the threshold of the door ]
Announcer: We treat everything that belongs to you, just as though it belonged to us.
[ another pair of movers carry a second down the stairs ]
Announcer: We give your most prized possessions the attention they deserve.
[ Mover throws a dropcloth over the Housewife, then carries her out of the room ]
[ cut to the action at the van – family members propped up against the side of the van, as the movers place them inside one at a time ]
Announcer: And we make sure your entire household reaches its destination in one piece.
[ the Movers close and lock the van doors, then the van drives away ]
Announcer: At Middle American Van Lines, we don’t move furniture —
[ close-up of sidewalk – a teddy bear that was left behind ]
Announcer: — we move people.
[ fade ]
