SNL Transcripts: Rob Reiner: 10/25/75: Pancreas


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 3

75c: Rob Reiner


Ed…..John Belushi
Wife…..Gilda Radner

Don Pardo: A message from the National Pancreas Association!

[FADE IN on Gilda Radner and John Belushi as a married couple in their living room. John has a long face, and Gilda stares at him with concern.]

Ed: You know, honey, I don’t feel good.

Wife: Well, that’s too bad, Ed. Did you ever think that it might be your pancreas?

Ed: Gee, honey. I must have unthinkingly ruled my pancreas out. I’ll check on it first thing in the morning.

[FADE to a doctor’s office and SUPERIMPOSE the caption “THE NEXT DAY.” Dan Aykroyd, as the doctor, looks at a medical chart and shakes his head.]

Doctor: I’m sorry, Ed. Your pancreas is on the fritz. You came to me just in time. Reminds me of a little joke. Knock, knock.

Ed: Who’s there?

Doctor: [matter-of-factly] Ed’s pancreas.

Ed: Ed’s pancreas who?

Doctor: I don’t know, Ed. But I know this: good glands don’t grow on trees.

Ed: Yeah. I guess I haven’t done right by…

[dramatic pause]

Ed: My pancreas.

[FADE to Ed’s wife smiling sweetly and waiting for him to come in. SUPERIMPOSE the caption “LATER THAT NIGHT” as Ed enters the room and sits down on the couch.]

Wife: Geez, Ed, you look like a million bucks! How are you feeling?

Ed: Fit as a fiddle. A fiddle with a healthy pancreas. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

[They kiss once and both grin at the camera.]

[dissolve to art card: “Brought to you by your National Pancreas Association”] [ dissolve onto audience, zoom in on smiling woman, with SUPER: “Has Been To Lee Radziwell’s House”]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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