SNL Transcripts: Rob Reiner: 10/25/75: Pancreas

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 3

75c: Rob Reiner


Ed…..John Belushi
Wife…..Gilda Radner

Don Pardo: A message from the National Pancreas Association!

[FADE IN on Gilda Radner and John Belushi as a married couple in their living room. John has a long face, and Gilda stares at him with concern.]

Ed: You know, honey, I don’t feel good.

Wife: Well, that’s too bad, Ed. Did you ever think that it might be your pancreas?

Ed: Gee, honey. I must have unthinkingly ruled my pancreas out. I’ll check on it first thing in the morning.

[FADE to a doctor’s office and SUPERIMPOSE the caption “THE NEXT DAY.” Dan Aykroyd, as the doctor, looks at a medical chart and shakes his head.]

Doctor: I’m sorry, Ed. Your pancreas is on the fritz. You came to me just in time. Reminds me of a little joke. Knock, knock.

Ed: Who’s there?

Doctor: [matter-of-factly] Ed’s pancreas.

Ed: Ed’s pancreas who?

Doctor: I don’t know, Ed. But I know this: good glands don’t grow on trees.

Ed: Yeah. I guess I haven’t done right by…

[dramatic pause]

Ed: My pancreas.

[FADE to Ed’s wife smiling sweetly and waiting for him to come in. SUPERIMPOSE the caption “LATER THAT NIGHT” as Ed enters the room and sits down on the couch.]

Wife: Geez, Ed, you look like a million bucks! How are you feeling?

Ed: Fit as a fiddle. A fiddle with a healthy pancreas. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

[They kiss once and both grin at the camera.]

[dissolve to art card: “Brought to you by your National Pancreas Association”] [ dissolve onto audience, zoom in on smiling woman, with SUPER: “Has Been To Lee Radziwell’s House”]

Submitted by: Joe Cornfield

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