Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 3
Don Pardo: A message from the National Pancreas Association![FADE IN on Gilda Radner and John Belushi as a married couple in their living room. John has a long face, and Gilda stares at him with concern.]
Ed: You know, honey, I dont feel good.
Wife: Well, thats too bad, Ed. Did you ever think that it might be your pancreas?
Ed: Gee, honey. I must have unthinkingly ruled my pancreas out. Ill check on it first thing in the morning.[FADE to a doctors office and SUPERIMPOSE the caption THE NEXT DAY. Dan Aykroyd, as the doctor, looks at a medical chart and shakes his head.]
Doctor: Im sorry, Ed. Your pancreas is on the fritz. You came to me just in time. Reminds me of a little joke. Knock, knock.
Ed: Whos there?
Doctor: [matter-of-factly] Eds pancreas.
Ed: Eds pancreas who?
Doctor: I dont know, Ed. But I know this: good glands dont grow on trees.
Ed: Yeah. I guess I havent done right by…[dramatic pause]
Ed: My pancreas.[FADE to Eds wife smiling sweetly and waiting for him to come in. SUPERIMPOSE the caption LATER THAT NIGHT as Ed enters the room and sits down on the couch.]
Wife: Geez, Ed, you look like a million bucks! How are you feeling?
Ed: Fit as a fiddle. A fiddle with a healthy pancreas. Ha, ha, ha, ha![They kiss once and both grin at the camera.] [dissolve to art card: “Brought to you by your National Pancreas Association”] [ dissolve onto audience, zoom in on smiling woman, with SUPER: “Has Been To Lee Radziwell’s House”]
Submitted by: Joe Cornfield