Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 3
What Gilda Ate
Rob Reiner: And now, a new feature on “Saturday Night”, “What Gilda Ate. Gilda?
Gilda Radner: Thanks, Rob. Okay, I started the day with one piece of dry toast and two egg whites scrambled in a no-stick Teflon pan; and then I had a little piece of chicken from some leftover Chinese food that I had in the refrigerator, and one breaded sweet-and-sour shrimp, but I picked all the breading off. And then, at lunch, I had a half of a club sandwich, but I took out the middle piece of bread and I left the crust, but I traded the other half for a half of Western omelette with cheese; and then I finished before everyone else, so I had a roll with butter and three french fries off of somebody else’s plate, and a Tab. But I didn’t order dessert. But on the way back to the office, I had a Fig Newton and an Almond Joy candy bar. And then, when I got back to the office, I told everyone I was going to the bathroom, but I really went to a coffee shop and had Apple Pie a la Mode, and I ate the whole thing. And on the way back up, in the elevator, I found a Milk Dud covered in tobacco at the bottom of my pure, and I ate it. And, then on the way back to work, I went to the drugstore and bought an M&M Peanut Munch Bar..
Rob Reiner: [ finally interrupts ] Thank you very much, Gilda, that’s enough!
Gilda Radner: But I’m not finished yet..
Rob Reiner: I know, but we have to go on with the show, I’m sorry.
Gilda Radner: Oh.. [ shrugs ] I’ll just go get a snack.. [ exits stage ]