Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 4
A Film By:
November 8th, 1975
Season 1: Order Now! The President of the United StatesSummary: Chevy Chase debuts his impression of Gerald R. Ford, as the accident-prone president stumbles his way through a speech he delivers directly to the “Saturday Night Live” audience.
Note: The running gag in which President Ford encounters one malady after another stems from a June 1st, 1975 incident in Salzburg, Austria, when he slipped on a wet ramp while exiting Air Force One. These episodes are especially fun to look back on, when there were no cell phones, laptops, any way to generate QR code numbers for your devices. Seems very innocent now.
MontageNote: In the early days, the cast was only listed by name, four at a time on two title cards. Only the second title card, containing the names Garrett Morris, Michael O’Donaghue, Laraine Newman and Gilda Radner appears in the opening credits this week.
Candice Bergen’s MonologueSummary: As Candice Bergen, SNL’s first woman host, tells the audience about tonight’s great show, a bee (John Belushi) appears on stage and grabs her hand. Chevy Chase approaches to swat the bee with a newspaper, but Candice objects, despite her allergies. Naturally, Chevy swats the bee anyway.
Recurring Characters: Bee.
Bio: Candice Bergen (1946-). Actress; daughter of Edgar Bergen, ventriloquist to Charlie McCarthy; film credits include: “Carnal Knowledge” (1971), “Rich and Famous” (1981); starred in CBS sitcom “Murphy Brown”, 1988-98; starred on “Boston Legal”, since 2005.
Also Hosted: 75h, 76j, 87e, 89t.
Ambassador Training InstituteSummary: A commercial spokesman (Andrew Duncan) explains how you can apply to become a U.S. ambassador for a foreign country, aptly mixing work with play.
Note: One NBC affiliate switched to local commercials during this ad parody because they believed it was a real ad.
CIA RecordsSummary: At the disheveled offices of the CIA, an employee (Dan Aykroyd) can’t seem to find the career criminal file belonging to Garrett Morris.
Jaws IISummary: In this film spoof, the “cleverest species of them all” – the Land Shark (Chevy Chase) terrorizes young woman in their homes, luring them to the door by pretending to deliver flowers and Candygrams. Matt Hooper (John Belushi) and Sheriff Brody (Dan Aykroyd) survey the bodily damages.
Recurring Characters: Land Shark, Matt Hooper, Sheriff Brody.
Esther Phillips performs “What a Difference a Day Makes”Bio: Esther Phillips (1935-1984). Soul songstress; covered songs from nearly every musical genre of the 50’s, 60’s and 70’s.
Weekend Update with Chevy ChaseSummary: Chevy Chase makes faces behind congresswoman Jane Curtin’s back as she delivers an editorial reply against federal aid to New York City. As a public service to viewers who have difficulty hearing, Garrett Morris, the headmaster of the New York School for the Hard-of-Hearing, repeats the evening’s top story.
Long-DistanceSummary: As he makes a long-distance call to his mother, a gay man reminisces about the joy’s of dressing in her clothes. After all, it’s “the next best thing to being her.”
Note: This ad parody angered The Gay Activists Alliance during its initial broadcast. It was edited out of a late-night classic rebroadcast on NBC in 2005, and replaced with a repeat of the Triopenin ad parody.
ChanelSummary: With her face leaning against the bottle, French actress Catherine Deneuve (Bergen) endorses the perfume that helps her cope with her own fame.
Andy KaufmanSummary: Andy Kaufman enters as his Foreign Man character. He attempts to tell a joke, perform impressions, dance and sing, but he bombs so terribly that he wishes the cameras weren’t rolling. After breaking into a nervous crying fit, he plays the bongos to the audience’s delight.
InsecuritiesSummary: Candice Bergen and Gilda Radner discuss their insecurities, prior to introducing this week’s film by Albert Brooks.
NBC Super SeasonSummary: Albert Brooks gives us a look at some mid-season replacement shows waiting to be broadcast on NBC – the dramatic “Medical Season”, the wild comedy sex farce “The Three Of Us”, and the racially-tense “Black Vet.”
Midnight ProbeSummary: Candice Bergen interviews sadistic kiwi trappers Dennis X (Dan Aykroyd) & Anthony Q (John Belushi).
AttractiveSummary: Chevy Chase and girlfriend Jaqueline Carlin don’t need to use products to be attractive to one another.
Note: This piece was edited out of a late-night classic rebroadcast on NBC in 2005.
Trans American AirlinesSummary: A sadistic gentleman (Michael O’Donoghue) crank calls the receptionist (Laraine Newman) for Trans American Airlines.
The MuppetsSummary: The Glig population is down to its last two, so Scred (Jerry Nelson) & Ploobis (Jim Henson) seek the advice of the Mighty Favog (Frank Oz) for a solution.
Practical JokesSummary: Reporting from a third world country, Candice Bergen plays practical jokes on its leader (John Belushi) during a controversial interview.
Black PerspectiveSummary: Garrett Morris interviews Jane Curtin, a white woman who passes herself off as am expert black female authoress.
PongSummary: With only the Pong game screen in view as they play, Al Franken and Tom Davis discuss bringing the Al’s girlfriend home to meet his parents for Thanksgiving.
Esther Phillips performs “I Can Stand a Little Rain”Lyrics
GoodnightsNote: The cast joins the host on the stage for the Goodnights for the first time, a tradition that would last throughout the show’s run.