Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 4
Candice Bergen’s Monologue
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen – Candice Bergen.
(Candice Bergen is standing next to a stool which she puts her hand on)
Candice Bergen: Thank you very much. I am very happy to be here tonight. I am also especially happy to be here as Saturday Night’s first woman host. (audience applauds) This may not make up for the ERA vote the other day, but at least it’s something.
(A bee sneaks in through a door in the background)
Candice Bergen: Uh – I just want to say that rehearsals have been very hectic..
(The bee runs up to her and sits on her hand, she doesn’t notice)
Candice Bergen: ..but very exciting. The whole crew here has made me feel very much —
(Chevy Chase walks up next to her)
Chevy Chase: Uh, Candice? Sorry to bother you – don’t move, there’s a bee on your hand.
(Candice looks at the bee, whose antennas bob up and down)
Candice Bergen: Um.. u,h I’m allergic to bees. Uh.. what should I do?
Chevy Chase: It’s ok, just go on. Ignore the bee, I’ll take care of it, you just go on.
Candice Bergen: Just go on with the show?
(Chevy walks around behind them and rolls up a script in his hand)
Candice Bergen: Um.. we have Esther Phillips with us tonight.
(Chevy raises the script to hit the bee)
Candice Bergen: Chevy, don’t – don’t hurt the bee.
Chevy Chase: Oh I won’t hurt the bee. No it’s just a script, I’m just going to shoo it away. Go on little bee! Go on! Go on! Shoo! Shoo!
(Chevy whacks the bee across the head with the script and he falls over, holding his head)
Candice Bergen: Oh! I told you not to hurt him! Now you killed him! Are you alright?
Chevy Chase: It’s alright, he’s just stunned.
(The bee stands up)
Candice Bergen: You ok there, little bee? You ok there, little fella?
Bee: (softly) Yeah.
Candice Bergen: Everything ok? You know, I asked him not to hurt you. I asked him. You heard me.
(The bee walks away)
Chevy Chase: He’s going away, he’s flying away, he’ll be fine.
Candice Bergen: Thank you Chevy, I appreciate it.
Chevy Chase: You’re welcome, no problem.
(Chevy walks away)
Candice Bergen: Ok, let’s see, Esther Phillips, Andy Kaufman, the Saturday Night regulars are here with us tonight. And we think it’s going to be —
(The bee buzzes up and lands on her sholder)
Candice Bergen: Um.. we think it’s going to be a very exciting show, and we’ll BE back after this filmed message.
Submitted by: Rebecca King