Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 5
Loudon Wainwright III performs “Unrequited to the Nth Degree”
…..Loudon Wainwright III[ dissolve onto Loudon Wainwright III standing on the apron of the stage surrounded by the audience. He begins playing with no introduction. ]
Loudon Wainwright III:
“When I die, and it won’t be long
Hey, you’re gonna be sorry that you treated me wrong
Yeah, you’re gonna be sorry that you treated me bad
Yes, and if there’s an afterlife, I’ll gloat and I’ll be glad.
You know it might be a plane crash or some sort of OD
Hey, there’s gonna be a photograph with my obituary
You’re gonna see it and you’ll cry a lot, you’re gonna wanna wear black
Hey, I’ll be dead, but you can bet your life I’m gonna get you back.
I’m tired of being left up on your shelf
I might not wait around, I might kill myself
Not only would you miss me, but you’d feel guilty, too
Oh, I’d be dead, but it’d be too late, the joke would be on you!
Ha ha ha ha!
Ho ho ho ho!
Chuckle chuckle chuckle chuckle!
Snicker snicker snicker snicker!
Guffaw guffaw guffaw guffaw!
Yuk yuk yuk yuk!
Chortle chortle chortle chortle chortle chortle chortle chortle.
So you better take warning, and start treating me good
Start doing the things that I think you should
And you’d better not.. pout, you’d better not cry
Hey, the grim reaper is a-coming to town and I just might die!”