SNL Transcripts: Robert Klein: 11/15/75: ABBA performs “Waterloo”


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 5

75e: Robert Klein / ABBA

ABBA performs “Waterloo”

Captain…..Robert Klein

[ open on interior, dining hall of the Titanic, Captain’s Table. The Captain is still attempting to plug up the hole with his hat, as the opening chords of ABBA’s next song begins to play. ][ dissolve to the adjacent part of the stage, where the members of ABBA are playing ]

“My my at Waterloo Napoleon did surrender
Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way.”

[ SUPER: “Right Now ABBA Is Lip Synching” ] [ SUPER: It’s Not Their Fault” ] [ SUPER: “The Tracks Didn’t Arrive From Sweden” ]

“The history book on the shelf
is always repeating itself.

Waterloo – I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo – Promise to love you for ever more.”

[ cut to Captain, more worried than ever as he holds his plate against the leak ]

“Waterloo – Couldn’t escape if I wanted to
Waterloo – Knowing my fate is to be with you.”

[ cut back to ABBA performing ]

“Waterloo – Finally facing my Waterloo.”

[ cut back to the Captain, desperately trying to plug the hole with his napkin, a plate, and a menu, none of it appearing to help ]

“My my, I tried to hold you back but you were stronger
Oh yeah, and now it seems my only hope is giving up the fight.”

[ cut back to ABBA performing, aswater drops appear on the screen and the stage tilts to the left ]

“And how could I ever refuse
I feel like I win when I lose.

Waterloo – I was defeated, you won the war.”

[ left with no other recourse, the Captain smiles at the performance as he holds his plate against the hole ] [ ABBA’s performance remains tilted to the left, as tables off-screen to the right begin to slide into viw on the left. Awaiter attempts to carry a tray across the right of the stage, struggles briefly with the uphill climb, then topples backwards. Everyone sitting at the Captain’s table falls out of their chairs, as a huge splash of water engulfs the stage. ]

“Waterloo – Promise to love you for ever more
Waterloo – Couldn’t escape if I wanted to
Waterloo – Knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo – Finally facing my Waterloo.

[ the camera pans the upward tilt to the right, as we rest on a montage bumper of the couple walking arm-in-arm past the street lamp with their little white dog ]

“And how could I ever refuse…”

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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