Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 5
Player on Right…..Al Franken
Player on Left…..Tom Davis
Al Franken: Yknow, I, uh… I really think I aced the old history midterm.
Tom Davis: Yeah, I saw you were the first one to leave. I thought it was pretty–
Tom Davis: Pretty hard.
Al Franken: Did ya?
Tom Davis: Yeah.
Al Franken: Well, I aced it, Im sure of it.
Tom Davis: What, uh, what century did you put for McKinleys shot?
Al Franken: Uh… lets see, nineteenth, he was shot–[Davis misses again to make it a 7-4 score.]
Al Franken: [chuckling] He was shot in 1901.
Tom Davis: Well, thats the twentieth century.[Franken misses a shot which cuts his lead to 7-5.]
Al Franken: Oh, wow, thats right!
Tom Davis: Right, dumbo, you live in 1975, but its the twentieth century.
Al Franken: [disgusted] Oh, thats, oh now–[He misses another shot to make the score 7-6.]
Al Franken: I missed that whole section!
Tom Davis: Well, thats too bad!
Al Franken: Ohhhhhhh…
Tom Davis: Howd you do on that Alexander Hamilton essay?[After a moment, the Franken misses again, to make it 7-all.]
Al Franken: What Alexander Hamilton essay?
Tom Davis: The long essay question at the end of the exam.
Al Franken: That was on Aaron Burr!
Tom Davis: No, it wasnt!
Al Franken: Yeah, it was!
Tom Davis: No, it said, Write a biography on the man who invented the Federal Reserve banking system. Thats Hamilton, not Burr!
Al Franken: [stunned] Oh, wow. Th–[He misses yet another shot, and is now behind 8-7.]
Al Franken: I just read a book about Burr, too.
Tom Davis: Oh. Well, maybe youll get partial credit.[laughter]
Al Franken: I doubt it.[They trade shots for a few seconds.]
Al Franken: Say, uh, you didnt happen to notice, did ya, if the, uh–[He loses a fifth consecutive point, and trails 9-7.]
Al Franken: Nuts! The true-falses kind of went in a… in a pattern?
Tom Davis: Yes, it was amazing!
Al Franken: Oh, good.
Tom Davis: It went true-false, true-false, true-false, all the way through![Davis finally misses again, and is ahead 9-8.]
Al Franken: Wait a minute, I got, uh… I got false, true…[Franken is no longer moving his blip, and misses a shot.]
Al Franken: False, uh, true.[The ball goes right past the motionless blip on the right again, and the game ends with the Davis winning 11-8. The blips disappear from the screen.]
Tom Davis: Oh. Well… Wanna play another game?
Al Franken: No, I got a geology exam in a couple hours, uh… Maybe Id better bone up. [long pause] Its, uh, Rocks for Jocks, I shouldnt have too much trou–Ill probably ace it.[FADE to black over applause.]
Submitted by: Sean