SNL Transcripts: Robert Klein: 11/15/75: Pong



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 5



75e: Robert Klein / ABBA

Pong

Player on Right…..Al Franken
Player on Left…..Tom Davis

[FADE IN on a black “Pong” video screen. Franken is leading Davis, 5-4. The players trade shots for several seconds.]

Al Franken: Y’know, I, uh… I really think I aced the old history midterm.

Tom Davis: Yeah, I saw you were the first one to leave. I thought it was pretty–

[A deep “BUZZ!” is heard as Davis misses a shot and falls behind 6-4.]

Tom Davis: Pretty hard.

Al Franken: Did ya?

Tom Davis: Yeah.

Al Franken: Well, I aced it, I’m sure of it.

Tom Davis: What, uh, what century did you put for McKinley’s shot?

Al Franken: Uh… let’s see, nineteenth, he was shot–

[Davis misses again to make it a 7-4 score.]

Al Franken: [chuckling] He was shot in 1901.

Tom Davis: Well, that’s the twentieth century.

[Franken misses a shot which cuts his lead to 7-5.]

Al Franken: Oh, wow, that’s right!

Tom Davis: Right, dumbo, you live in 1975, but it’s the twentieth century.

Al Franken: [disgusted] Oh, that’s, oh now–

[He misses another shot to make the score 7-6.]

Al Franken: I missed that whole section!

Tom Davis: Well, that’s too bad!

Al Franken: Ohhhhhhh…

Tom Davis: How’d you do on that Alexander Hamilton essay?

[After a moment, the Franken misses again, to make it 7-all.]

Al Franken: What Alexander Hamilton essay?

Tom Davis: The long essay question at the end of the exam.

Al Franken: That was on Aaron Burr!

Tom Davis: No, it wasn’t!

Al Franken: Yeah, it was!

Tom Davis: No, it said, “Write a biography on the man who invented the Federal Reserve banking system.” That’s Hamilton, not Burr!

Al Franken: [stunned] Oh, wow. Th–

[He misses yet another shot, and is now behind 8-7.]

Al Franken: I just read a book about Burr, too.

Tom Davis: Oh. Well, maybe you’ll get partial credit.

[laughter]

Al Franken: I doubt it.

[They trade shots for a few seconds.]

Al Franken: Say, uh, you didn’t happen to notice, did ya, if the, uh–

[He loses a fifth consecutive point, and trails 9-7.]

Al Franken: Nuts! The true-falses kind of went in a… in a pattern?

Tom Davis: Yes, it was amazing!

Al Franken: Oh, good.

Tom Davis: It went true-false, true-false, true-false, all the way through!

[Davis finally misses again, and is ahead 9-8.]

Al Franken: Wait a minute, I got, uh… I got false, true…

[Franken is no longer moving his blip, and misses a shot.]

Al Franken: False, uh, true.

[The ball goes right past the motionless blip on the right again, and the game ends with the Davis winning 11-8. The blips disappear from the screen.]

Tom Davis: Oh. Well… Wanna play another game?

Al Franken: No, I got a geology exam in a couple hours, uh… Maybe I’d better bone up. [long pause] It’s, uh, “Rocks for Jocks,” I shouldn’t have too much trou–I’ll probably ace it.

[FADE to black over applause.]

Submitted by: Sean

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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