Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 6
Edith Ann Film
Edith Ann…..Lily Tomlin
[ begin “Edith Ann” film, showing tiny Edith Ann tying her ice skates from atop a giant bench inside the ice skating rink; she is dressed in a bundle of warm winter clothing. ]
Edith Ann V/O: Hello. My name is Edith Ann, and I’m five-and-a-half years old. Mama says you got to bundle up, so you do not catch a common cold. I have two-and-a-half pairs of socks on; my right foot is colder than my left.
[ Edith Ann clims down the bench, flailing her arms wildly ]
There I go. It’s okay, I’m just flexing. Ice skating is not so difficult. It’s just like roller skating. Ice skating is like making angels in the snow, only standing up.
[ camera pans out, revealing Edith Ann’s dog sitting still behind the bench ]
That’s Buster. He’s not allowed on the ice, so I pasted his paws to the floor. One time, he went skating wih me, and he turned his ankle; I had to bring him home in a shopping bag.
[ Edith Ann begins to skate on the ice, though at an extremely slow, awkward pace ]
You need very strong ankles to ice skate. I must do some ankle exercises. [ falls down; camera loops it three times ] Hey.. hey! It doesn’t really hurt when I fall down, ’cause I put some pot holders in my pants. And, anyways, I meant to do that – and that’s the truth. [ blows a raspberry ]
[ fade to black ]
