SNL Transcripts: Lily Tomlin: 11/22/75: Male Sexual Harassment


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 6

75f: Lily Tomlin

Male Sexual Harassment

Written by: Rosie Shuster & Anne Beatts

Forewoman…..Lily Tomlin
Danny…..Dan Aykroyd
Jane…..Jane Curtin
Gilda…..Gilda Radner
Laraine…..Laraine Newman

[ open on interior, classroom, as construction forewoman demonstrates a lesson with a hydraulic drill; female students are dressed in hardhats and jumpers. ]

Forewoman: Well.. that’s how the hydraulic drill works. Now that you’ve got the technical stuff under your belt, I think it’s time ya got some moxie – what I call “Streetside Savvy.” Now, here are a few choice facial expressions – you know, for when you’re not on the cinstruction site – and the noises that go with ’em. For instance: “Hey, ay ay ay! Chicky chicky chicky chicky chicky! Hey, ay ay ay!” [ purses her lips and signals with fingers ] And, this is a killer.. [ does the fish lips ] Yeah, it drives men crazy! Okay, now Exchange Student Danny, over here – hey, you!

[ Exchange Student Danny steps over ]

Forewoman: He has kindly offered to aid us in our live demonstration. Jane! Up here! [ Jane steps forward and sits beside Forwoman on the mock girder ] Now, uh, when a cutie pie walks by.. [ to Danny ] I want you to strut your stuff, honey. [ to the girls ] When a cutie pie walks by, here’s how you break the ice: [ as Danny struts past ] “Hey, hey, hey! Beefcakes! Beefcakes! Yeah! You! Come up here, baby! Do some squat jumps on dis girder!” Okay, I think I got him warmed up – you take over! Hey, hey, wait a second.. permit me, sweetheart.. [ removes Danny’s coat from his shoulders, allowing him to flex his muscles ]

Jane: Hey, hey, dreamboat.. what’s da matter? A.. smile isn’t gonna cost ya anything..

Forewoman: No, no, no.. No, you shoulda had that memorized, Jane, you shoulda had that memorized. Okay, class, let’s have a little participation. Here’s where your buddy support comes in handy. You take it again, Jane, strut your stuff there!

Jane: Hey, Studmuffins.. wanna make bouncy-bouncy?

Forewoman: Come on, kids, let’s have it! Come on, let’s have it! No, let’s have some participation, some buddy support!

Gilda: [ eager ] Oh, alright! [ whistles at Danny ]

Forewoman: That’s good. Hey, “Hoo-hah, hoo-hah!” [ whistles at Danny ] Get a load of that! Whoo-hoo! I wouldn’t throw him out of bed! Hey hey hey! Okay, hey, Gilda, come on up! Come up up! [ Gilda approaches Danny ] Hey, honey, sweetheart, hey you! Strut your stuff in front of Gilda! [ Danny mercilessly struts ] That’s it, sweetheart! do it!

Gilda: Voom, va-va-voom! Voom, va-va voom! Voom, va-va voom!

Forewoman: A real, real nice selection, Gilda! A real nice selection! Honey, come on, keep it up, let’s go!

Gilda: Uh.. hey! Joy Chunks! No, you! Hey! You dropped something! [ Danny bends over ] no, just fooling! you look like my ex-husband! [ laughs sadistically; Jane whistles ] Uh.. I don’t think he likes this..

Forewoman: No, no, no.. hey.

Danny: Can I put on my coat now, please?

Forewoman: May I put on my coat, please? No! Okay, class, hey! You all saw how Danny here, uh.. he’s reacting like he’s insulted? It’s all an act, believe me. Trust me, Gilda – he loves it. Every minute of it, he loves it

Laraine: Yeah. When you stop whistling, they sure do start gettin’ nervous!

Gilda: Okay, I’ll try it! Hey hey hey hey, come on, baby!

Danny: I’m not your baby!

Forewoman: Hey, hey, check this! Hey, hey, check this! Hey, hey, hey, hey! [ to class ] This is what you call your re-par-tee! Now, when you get your example of your re-par-tee, I mean, if you’re a hardhat who’s done her homework, you’re gonna have a battery of witty-cisms and bons mots. Okay?

Laraine: Heeeeyy, Crazy Pecs! Where’d you get those pecs, why don’t ya flex ’em for me, Butch? Yeah, give me a cheap thrill, uh.. how would ya like a staple in your navel?

Danny: Okay, just hold on a minute! What do you think I am! Men have feelings, too, you know! I don’t have to take this! I thought I was coming in to help!

Laraine: Come on, you eat this stuff up like a fork, you know? I mean, you love it! Don’t complain! You little tease, you little juicy buns!

Danny: Hey, that’s enough.. knock it off!!

Forewoman: Oh! Hey hey! Hey, they are so cute when they’re mad! They are so cute!

[ lunch whistle blows ]

Forewoman: Uh-oh! Hey, hey! One hour. Lunchtime. [ hands Danny his coat ] Here – put this on, sweetheart, cover yourself up!

[ the hardhats exit the classroom, except for Gilda ]

Danny: [ sighs ] They were real mean to me! I was only trying to help them!

Gilda: Hey.. don’t cry. It’s only school.

[ SUPER: “Coming Up Next… Is Lassie’s Real Name Elaine Horowitz” ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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