Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 6
Announcer: Meet Ellen Sherman, Cleveland housewife and mother.
Housewife: Hi! Im a nuclear physicist and commissioner of consumer affairs. In my spare time I do needlepoint, read, sculpt, take riding lessons and brush up on my knowledge of current events. Thursday is my day at the day care center and then theres my work with the deaf but I still have time left over to do all my own baking and practice my backhand even though Im on call 24 hours a day as a legal aide (fades out)
Announcer: How does Ellen Sherman do it all? Shes smart. She takes Speed! The tiny blue diet pill you dont have to be overweight to need.
Housewife: And then I collect these paper bags and I have them right here, all folded and everything, in case anyone needs a paper bag I have one (fades out)
Announcer: Yes, Speed.
Housewife: (fades in) cause I fold them neatly you know, I dont fold them just any old way (fades out)
Announcer: Why not ask your family doctor for a prescription today? And when that runs out, you can ask your neighbors doctor. And your mothers doctor. And your college roommates doctor. And your best friend from high schools doctor. And your babysitters doctor . . . (fades out)
Submitted by: Lisa Kemper