Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 7
Garrett Takes the Fall
[FADE IN on Dan Aykroyd and Jane Curtin sitting at a restaurant table onstage. Dan wears sunglasses while Jane smiles sweetly at him.]
Dan Aykroyd: [in heavy European accent] And so that is why I feel so STRONGLY about you. [raises a long matchstick toward stage right] Waiter?[ENTER Garrett Morris from the left and Chevy Chase from the right. Both are carrying trays of plastic food and dressed as waiters with white shirts and black bow ties.]
Chevy Chase: Hold it. Garrett, what are you doing?
Garrett Morris: Look, man, look. Richard Pryor said–
Chevy Chase: Garrett, were on the air now.
Garrett Morris: Yeah, I know, man, but listen–
Chevy Chase: Its the opening.
Garrett Morris: I know. Richard Pryors here tonight, and I thought that I would open the show, I mean, do the fall.
Chevy Chase: [stares at Garrett] I ALWAYS open the show. Is it understood?
Garrett Morris: Hey, hey, hey, look–
Chevy Chase: I do the fall, and I say, Live from New York, its Saturday Night. Its my trademark.
Garrett Morris: Look, Chevy, Richard TOLD me to open the SHOW–
Chevy Chase: Its not Richards show. Richards just the guest host.
Garrett Morris: Wait.
Chevy Chase: Richard and what army, fella?
Garrett Morris: Hey, man…[Garrett leans toward Chevys again and speaks softly]
Chevy Chase: THAT army. All right, all right, do the fall, you do the fall, all right?
Garrett Morris: Dig, dig the fall, man.[Garrett neatly drops his tray on the floor and stretches out gracefully behind it.]
Garrett Morris: Something like that, you know… LIVE!!
Chevy Chase: Garrett–
Garrett Morris: From New–
Chevy Chase: Garrett! Stand up a minute. Stand up.[Garrett gets back to his feet.]
Chevy Chase: The whole point of the fall is to look like you hurt yourself, so when you say, Live, from New York, its Saturday Night, it looks like you just killed yourself, and they say, Geez, what a great fall, the guys really hurt, and then hes all right! Thats the point, okay?
Garrett Morris: Okay, okay.[Garrett picks his tray back up while Chevy steps aside.]
Chevy Chase: Ill do one for you, all right?
Garrett Morris: All right, you do one, you do one.
Chevy Chase: Ill do the line.
Garrett Morris: We dont have much time, man. Hurry up.
Chevy Chase: Once, all right?
Garrett Morris: Hurry up, man.[Chevy walks off to the right while Garrett stands behind the table.]
Chevy Chase: I want you to understand how this is done. Uh, Danny, you wanna start it?
Dan Aykroyd: [in heavy European accent] And that is why I feel so STRONGLY about you. [raises matchstick] Waiter?[Chevy comes in, pretends to trip, and falls straight over the table. He knocks it down, tossing everything onto the floor, and sprawls flat on his back. Garrett runs to Chevy, bends over him, and shakes him gently as if trying to revive him. Chevy lies motionless as Garrett looks up into the camera and grins.]
Garrett Morris: Live, from New York, its Saturday Night!!!
Submitted by: Joe Cornfield