Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 7
[FADE IN on a blue Pong video screen. The player on the left is leading the one on the right, 5-0. The players are heard talking off camera.]
Tom Davis: Yeah, I heard you guys lost to the University of Toronto last night. What was it, 11 to 2?
Al Franken: Yeah, they had this one guy named Bouchard, who was just amazing. He looked like he played pro hockey or something. Boy, he had a great night.
Tom Davis: Sounds like, uh…[The player on the right misses a shot, making the score 6-0.]
Tom Davis: Sounds like you had it pretty rough last night.
Al Franken: Well, yeah, but I, I scored a goal.
Tom Davis: YOU scored a GOAL? But youre the goalie, right?[The right-hand player misses again to make the score 7-0.]
Al Franken: Yeah, Im the goalie. Yeah. What happened was, this Bouchard had an incredible slapshot, and he, uh, he hit one real hard, I didnt see it, it hit me right in the cup, you know?
Tom Davis: Wow.
Al Franken: Yeah. Bounced to center ice, and all the way down to the other end, and it skipped past their goalie.
Tom Davis: No kidding![The player misses another shot; the score is now 8-0.]
Tom Davis: Boy, I wish I had seen that. Hey, your mouth looks pretty bad, does that still hurt? Franken: A little. Uh, they said the stitches will be out next week, but–
Tom Davis: How did that happen? I heard you got hit with a stick, or something?
Al Franken: Naw, you see this, uh… you know, we didnt have a chance with this Bouchard guy dancing around, you know. So, uh, he came swooshing by my net after he scored his eighth goal, you know? So I just, uh, tapped him a little bit on the head with my stick…
Tom Davis: Right.
Al Franken: Boy, the next thing you know, this Bouchard guys got his gloves on the ice, and hes punching me in the mouth as hard as he can–[Again, the right-hand Pong player misses for a score of 9-0.]
Tom Davis: Wow!
Al Franken: And get this: the ref throws ME out of the game instead of Bouchard.[The right-hand player misses an easy shot to make it a 10-0 game.]
Tom Davis: No kidding!
Al Franken: Yeah, he was making bad calls like that all night.
Tom Davis: Wow.[The player on the right misses still another shot, effectively ending the game at 11-0. The ball and the players suddenly disappear.]
Al Franken: Hey, theres something wrong with my side of the, uh, machine, here…
Tom Davis: Well, lets play another game, and well switch sides.
Al Franken: No, no, I gotta suit up for pwactice.
Submitted by: Joe Cornfield