SNL Transcripts: Candice Bergen: 12/20/75: Tarn-Off


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 8

75h: Candice Bergen / Martha Reeves, The Stylistics


Princess Grace…..Candice Bergen

Announcer: And now, her Serene Highness, Princess Grace of Monaco, for new Tarn-Off.

Princess Grace: Hi. I’m Princess Grace for Tarn-Off, Rovco’s amazing new tarnish remover. This revolutionary new product cleans fast and effectively and is safe for everything — even tarnished diamonds! With only one dunk — [ she dunks her head in the tarnish bowl ] new Tarnish eats up varnish, leaves your crown sparkling! Yes, get down between encrusted jewels without rubbing! Isn’t that amazing! And Tarn-Off cleans a sceptior before you can say — [ she dunks the sceptor ] “Let them eat cake!” Tarn-Off is ideal for family heirlooms.

[ two knights in rusty armor march forward ]

Princess Grace: Remove grit, grime, and germs from other centuries!

[ she dunks their armored gloves into the tarnish bowl ]

Knights: Ooohhh! Look how shiny!

Princess Grace: Try it! Tell your friends! Tarn-Off is used in vice regal homes all over Europe and Asia Minor. And if you order now, I’ll send you this book of spicy Mediterranean recipes!

I don’t rub, I don’t scrub. I don’t even wipe! With Rovco’s new Tarn-Off!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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