SNL Transcripts: Candice Bergen: 12/20/75: Tarn-Off

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 8

75h: Candice Bergen / Martha Reeves, The Stylistics


Princess Grace…..Candice Bergen

Announcer: And now, her Serene Highness, Princess Grace of Monaco, for new Tarn-Off.

Princess Grace: Hi. I’m Princess Grace for Tarn-Off, Rovco’s amazing new tarnish remover. This revolutionary new product cleans fast and effectively and is safe for everything — even tarnished diamonds! With only one dunk — [ she dunks her head in the tarnish bowl ] new Tarnish eats up varnish, leaves your crown sparkling! Yes, get down between encrusted jewels without rubbing! Isn’t that amazing! And Tarn-Off cleans a sceptior before you can say — [ she dunks the sceptor ] “Let them eat cake!” Tarn-Off is ideal for family heirlooms.

[ two knights in rusty armor march forward ]

Princess Grace: Remove grit, grime, and germs from other centuries!

[ she dunks their armored gloves into the tarnish bowl ]

Knights: Ooohhh! Look how shiny!

Princess Grace: Try it! Tell your friends! Tarn-Off is used in vice regal homes all over Europe and Asia Minor. And if you order now, I’ll send you this book of spicy Mediterranean recipes!

I don’t rub, I don’t scrub. I don’t even wipe! With Rovco’s new Tarn-Off!

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