Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 9
Godfather Group Therapy
..written by: Michael O’Donoghue
Vito corleone…..John Belushi
[ open on Group Therapy meeting in Therapist’s Office ]
Therapist: Okay, okay.. before we begin, I’d like to say that because of a personal committment, Group will begin at eight o’clock instead of seven next Tuesday, if that’s alright. [ Group nods ] Now, when we left off in our session last week, Vito was telling us his feelings toward the Tattaglia Family. Vito?
Vito Corleone: Well, the Tattaglia Family is causing me deep personal grief. Also, things are not going so well at my olive oil company.
[ Sherry raises hand ]
Sherry: Vito, I think you are blocking.
Vito Corleone: Blocking what?
Sherry: Your true feelings about the Tattaglia Family.
Therapist: Vito? Do you want to respond?
Vito Corleone: Alright. The Tattaglia Family is moving in on my territory. They’ve taken over numbers, prostitution, and restaurant linen supply, and now they want to bring in drugs. Also, they just shot my son, Santino, fifty-six times.
Therapist: Ah! Now we are getting somewhere. What do you think about this?
Vito Corleone: Drugs, I am against.
[ Sherry raises hand ]
Sherry: You’re still blocking your real feelings, Vito. What about everything else?
Vito Corleone: Well, the restaurant linen supply was never a big money-maker..
Sherry: You’re hurting, Vito, and you’re covering up.
Vito Corleone: Alright, alright, you’re right. It is hurting me. Numbers alone, I’m losing fifteen to twenty grand a week.
Therapist: Vito, you’re still blocking. How do you feel about them shooting Santino fifty-six times?
Vito Corleone: Terrible. We had to go to the mattresses. Tessio sleeps with the fishes. Johnny is through in Hollywood. They blew up Michael’s wife and a lovely car. The Tattaglias, Barzinis, and Boyardees all have contracts out on me, the Feds are watching me, Kefauver is investigating me, and the ASPCA is after me over this horse thing.
Garrett: Evading. Vito’s evading.
Michael: Feel it. Feel it, Vito.
Therapist: Settle down. Vito will tell us what he’s feeling when he’s ready. Vito? Ready, Vito?
Vito Corleone: [ head in his hands ] I could have been Senator Corleone, Governor Corleone.. but there wasn’t enough time..
Therapist: Vito, this is getting us nowhere. I want you to try to act out your feelings for the Tattaglia Family non-verbally.
Vito Corleone: Do I have to?
Sherry: Vito, we’re with you. We’re on your side. We know where you’re coming from.
[ everyone encourages Vito; he gets up, does orange peel mime, has heart attack and dies. No one reacts. ]
Therapist: Sherry? How do you feel about what Vito just went through?
Sherry: Oh, you know, different strokes for different folks is what I always say. I mean, through my work as a stewardess I have rully learned to understand other people and their problems. Like my friends kept bugging me, kept asking me, “God, Sherry, why do you want to be a stewardess?” And I ralzied that it’s ’cause I love people, I rully do. I love to serve them and help them try to fall asleep sitting up. And, like I had to get outta the Valley, I’m not kidding, man. It was rully getting hairy. But I knew I had a bitchin’ bod and a good personality.
Garrett: You’re blocking, Sherry.
Sherry: So, I just took off, man, and I did a summer blonde commercial, and then I went to stewardess school.. and since then I can’t believe how much I’ve grown, emotionally, I mean. Like when I went back to the Valley a coupla weeks ago, everyone seemed so immature. And Brad, that’s my old boyfriend, found out I was back. So, real late at night, he drove past my window in his Vega and laid a patch. And I thought: “Some people!” You know, Norman Miller was right, “You can’t go home.”
Therapist: Okay. Before I forget, because of a personal committment, Group will begin at nine o’clock next Tuesday instead of seven, if that’s alright?
[ everyone nods in agreement, then leave the therapy session, Vito still lying on the floor dead ]
[ fade out ]