SNL Transcripts: Elliot Gould: 01/10/76: Elliot Gould’s Monologue


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 9

75i: Elliot Gould / Anne Murray

Elliot Gould’s Monologue

…..Elliot Gould
…..Paul Shaffer

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Elliot Gould!

[ Gould comes doown the stairs while smoking a cigarette ]

Elliot Gould: Well, I JUST got in, and this is a Lucky! [ he drops it to the floor and stomps on it ] And, uh — does anyone know who won the Islander game? Ah, they were behind the Russians, 2-1, I know it’s over, but the Islanders are where I’m coming from — Bell Harbor.

[ in the background, Paul Shaffer approaches a piano and sits ]

Elliot Gould: Yeah, I went back and I got some old music. [ he approaches Paul Shaffer and hands him the sheet music ] Paul Shaffer’s gonna play for me! Okay!

[ the audience applauds, as Paul starts tinkling the keys ]

Elliot Gould: [ singing ]“As you listen to the band, don’t you get a bubble?
As you listen to them play, don’t you get a glow?
When you step out on the floor
You’ll forget your trouble
If you go into your dance
You’ll forget your woes

Come get together
Let the dance floor feel your leather
Step as lightly as a feather
Let yourself go.

Come, hit the timber
Loosen up and start to limber
Can’t you hear that hot marimba?
Let yourself go.

Now, let yourself go
And let yourself go
You’ve got yourself tied up in a knot
The night is cold, but the music’s hot.

So, come cuddle closer
Don’t you dare to answer “No, sir!”
Butcher, banker, clerk or grocer
Let yourself go.”

[ he jumps directly into “Crazy Rhythm” ]

“Crazy rhythm, here’s the doorway
You’ll go your way, I’ll go my way
Crazy rhythm, here’s goodbye to you!

Here is where we have a showdown
You’re too high-hat, I’m too low-down
Crazy rhythm, here’s goodbye to you!”

[ he tugs at his suspenders ]


“They say that when a high-brow meets a low-brow
Walking along Broadway
Soon the high-brow, he got no brow
Ain’t it a shame? You are to blame!

What’s the use of Prohibition?
You produce the same condition,
Crazy rhythm, I’ve gone crazy, too!”

[ he starts doing a shuffle, much to the audience’s delight, then finishes with a flourish ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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