Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 9
75i: Elliot Gould / Anne Murray
Shimmer
Wife…..Gilda Radner
Husband…..Dan Aykroyd
Spokesman…..Chevy Chase
[ open on suburban kitchen, Wife and Husband arguing ]
Wife: New Shimmer is a floor wax!
Husband: No, new Shimmer is a dessert topping!
Wife: It’s a floor wax!
Husband: It’s a dessert topping!
Wife: It’s a floor wax, I’m telling you!
Husband: It’s a dessert topping, you cow!
Spokesman: [ enters quickly ] Hey, hey, hey, calm down, you two. New Shimmer is both a floor wax and a dessert topping! Here, I’ll spray some on your mop.. [ sprays Shimmer onto mop ] ..and some on your butterscotch pudding. [ sprays Shimmer onto pudding ]
[ Husband eats while Wife mops ]
Husband: Mmmmm, tastes terrific!
Wife: And just look at that shine! But will it last?
Spokesman: Hey, outlasts every other leading floor wax, 2 to 1. It’s durable, and it’s scuff-resistant.
Husband: And it’s delicious!
Spokesman: Sure is! Perks up anything from an ice cream sundae to a pumpkin pie!
Wife: Made from an exclusive non-yellowing formula.
Husband: I haven’t even touched my pudding and I’m ready for more!
Wife: But what about black heel marks?
Spokesman: Dirt, grime, even black heel marks, wipe clean with a damp mop.
[ Husband accidentally sprays Shimmer onto the floor ]
Husband: Oh, sorry, honey, I’ll clean that up!
Wife: Oh, no problem, sweetheart, not with new Shimmer!
[ Spokesman laughs continuously as he approaches the camera ]
Spokesman: New Shimmer, for the greatest shine you ever tasted!
[ fade ]
