Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 11
Officer ….. Garrett Morris
Wife ….. Gilda Radner
Husband ….. George Coe
Bomb Expert ….. Chevy Chase
[ A police officer is carefully sliding a brown box wrapped in yarn out from underneath a staircase. Husband and wife are standing by anxiously in their pajamas ]
Officer: Nothing to worry about. Someone from the bomb squad will be here any second.
[ On cue, the bomb squad man comes down the stairs, carrying a black leather bag with him. Slowly, he puts down his bag and takes off his jacket, looking at the mysterious package ]
Bomb Expert: Yeah, looks pretty suspicious, Stronski. If I were you I’d get these people upstairs, calmly. Don’t panic, just get the people across the street and out of the buidling, OK?
[ The officer leads the couple up the stairs. Halfway up, the wife stops ]
Wife: Well, what are we gonna…
Bomb Expert: (panicked) GET OUT OF HERE!
[ The officer rushes the couple upstairs. The Bomb Expert takes out a piece of string and from his bag and ties it to the string that’s already around the box. He crouches behind a large wooden crate and gives the string a couple of tugs, moving the box a few inches. He then goes back to the box and takes it and his bag over to the crate. The expert takes a stethoscope out of his bag and listens to the box, giving it a couple of taps with his finger. He takes out a pair of scissors from his bag and cuts the string on the box, then he opens it. A hand launches a cream pie into his face, although it accidentally misses him, causing Chevy to slightly crack up ]
Bomb Expert: “Live From New York, It’s Saturday Night!”
Submitted by: Dan Pascoe