Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 11
75k: Peter Cook & Dudley Moore / Neil Sedaka
The Muppets
…..Gilda Radner
[ Gilda Radner is in front of a black screen, ready to introduce the musical guest. ]
Gilda Radner: And now…
[ Scred enters, wearing a killer-bee costume. ]
Scred: Okay, here I am! I’m ready!
Gilda Radner: Scred… what are you doing here?
Scred: Hey, where is everybody? Where’s all the bees?
Gilda Radner: Scred, there aren’t going to be any bees in this show.
Scred: Are you sure?
Gilda Radner: Yeah!
Scred: Oh… well, they told me that they were doing a sketch on The Andy Griffith Show, and that I could play Aunt Bea.
Gilda Radner: Scred… they decided not to do it. Didn’t anybody tell you?
Scred: Aww, that’s just great! That’s really great! Boy, how come nobody ever tells us Muppets anything? [ Gilda laughs lightly ] No, don’t laugh. We’re tired of being second class citizens around here.
Gilda Radner: Oh, Scred…
Scred: Don’t gimme that “Aw, Scred” stuff! I mean, how come we’re not in any of the major sketches? Really! I could do News Update. I’m capable.
Gilda Radner: Okay.
Scred: Good evening. I’m Scred. And you’re not.
[ The audience applauds. ]
Scred: I mean, y’know, toy boat, toy boat, big deal. But nooo… you know, I have to go to a lot of trouble just to get extra tickets!
Gilda Radner: Really!
Scred: Yeah! And let me tell you…
Gilda Radner: What?
Scred: My parents are sick about it.
Gilda Radner: Really? You know something, Scred, is there anything else you want to say?
Scred: Uh. Just one more thing… Can I play with your moogies?
Gilda Radner: [ She giggles and tickles him. ] No, you can’t play with my moogies! You know something, now that you’re here, there is something you can do.
Scred: Oh, yeah?
Gilda Radner: Yeah.
Scred: What?
Gilda Radner: Why don’t you introduce Neil Sedaka.
Scred: Hey, I’d love to.
Gilda Radner: Okay.
Scred: Ladies and gentlemen… Neil Sedaka.
[ Gilda kisses Scred and nuzzles with him. ]
Courtesy of: Tough Pigs Anthology
