Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 12
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:Bit Players:
January 31st, 1976
Dick Cavett
Jimmy Cliff
Marshall Efron
Al Alen Peterson
None
Rosie Shuster
Tom Schiller
Voodoo
Summary: Bothered that Chevy Chase gets all the attention on “SNL”, Garrett Morris uses a voodoo curse to manipulate his fall.
Transcript
Montage
Dick Cavett’s Monologue
Summary: Dick Cavett tells a few jokes to the audience before “dropping the show.”
Bio: Dick Cavett (1936-) held jobs as a magician, stand-up comedian and writer/talent coordinator for “The Tonight Show with Jack Parr” before landing his own talk show in 1969.
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Alcohol & Firearms Don’t Mix
Summary: Anne (Jane Curtin) is so excited at the prospect of getting married that she ignores the accidental firings of her hunter boyfriend (Chevy Chase).
Transcript
Dick Cavett School of Auto Refinishing & Upholstery
Summary: Enroll in Dick Cavett’s school to learn how to install opera windows on American cars.
Transcript
Jimmy Cliff performs “The Harder They Come”
Bio: Jimmy Cliff (1948-) helped introduce reggae music to America with his performance in the 1973 Jamaican film “The Harder They Come.” Cliff’s first two performances in this episode come from that film’s soundtrack.
H & L Brock I
Summary: Lowell Brock (John Belushi) and the H & L Brock tax team are willing to cheat for you.
Transcript
Weekend Update with Chevy Chase
Summary: Australian mercenary (Dan Aykroyd) in Angola wants sex with Laraine Newman. Laraine Newman seeks opinions on abortion in Times Square. Emily Litella (Gilda Radner) disagrees with an “eagle” rights amendment. Tom Schiller repeats the top story for “I Love Lucy” fans.
Recurring Characters: Emily Litella.
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Felina Cat Food
Summary: Test proves it’s different than regular tuna.
Note: Repeat from 10/25/75.
Dick Cavett School of Hydroplane Operation
Summary: Enroll in Dick Cavett’s school to learn the ins and outs of hydroplane operation.
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Our Town
Summary: Stage Mananger (Dick Cavett) describes his town to the audience.
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Jimmy Cliff performs “Many Rivers to Cross”
Dick Cavett Lookalike Contest
Summary: The winner of the Dick Cavet Lookalike Contest (Marshall Efron) hardly resembles Dick Cavett at all.
Gary Weis Film
Summary: A tailor and a plastic surgeon make alterations to one another.
Dance To The Nation
Summary: Betty Ford’s (Jane Curtin) dispenses common-sense advice while performing dance moves on stage.
Transcript
H & L Brock II
Summary: Lowell Brock (John Belushi) and the H & L Brock tax team will pay off IRS officials and find tricky loopholes that will work in your favor.
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Looks At Books
Summary: Dick Cavett plugs his book detailing his lifestyle as a Nebraska pimp.
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Jimmy Cliff performs “Wahjaka Man”
H & L Brock III
Summary: Lowell Brock (John Belushi) and the H & L Brock tax team’s ties with the underworld can be an asset to you this tax season.
Note: Lorne Michaels plays an off-screen joke on John Belushi during this sketch, by tying Belushi’s shoelaces together below his chair.
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“The Apple Follies”
Summary: Harry McDevitt’s film features a police raid following an apple’s strip tease.
“I Gotta Be Me”
Summary: Hardhat Al Alen Petersen is transformed into a blonde woman.
Goodnights
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