Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 12
January 31st, 1976
Al Alen Peterson
Tom Schiller VoodooSummary: Bothered that Chevy Chase gets all the attention on “SNL”, Garrett Morris uses a voodoo curse to manipulate his fall.
Dick Cavett’s MonologueSummary: Dick Cavett tells a few jokes to the audience before “dropping the show.”
Bio: Dick Cavett (1936-) held jobs as a magician, stand-up comedian and writer/talent coordinator for “The Tonight Show with Jack Parr” before landing his own talk show in 1969.
Alcohol & Firearms Don’t MixSummary: Anne (Jane Curtin) is so excited at the prospect of getting married that she ignores the accidental firings of her hunter boyfriend (Chevy Chase).
Dick Cavett School of Auto Refinishing & UpholsterySummary: Enroll in Dick Cavett’s school to learn how to install opera windows on American cars.
Jimmy Cliff performs “The Harder They Come”Bio: Jimmy Cliff (1948-) helped introduce reggae music to America with his performance in the 1973 Jamaican film “The Harder They Come.” Cliff’s first two performances in this episode come from that film’s soundtrack.
H & L Brock ISummary: Lowell Brock (John Belushi) and the H & L Brock tax team are willing to cheat for you.
Weekend Update with Chevy ChaseSummary: Australian mercenary (Dan Aykroyd) in Angola wants sex with Laraine Newman. Laraine Newman seeks opinions on abortion in Times Square. Emily Litella (Gilda Radner) disagrees with an “eagle” rights amendment. Tom Schiller repeats the top story for “I Love Lucy” fans.
Recurring Characters: Emily Litella.
Felina Cat FoodSummary: Test proves it’s different than regular tuna.
Note: Repeat from 10/25/75.
Dick Cavett School of Hydroplane OperationSummary: Enroll in Dick Cavett’s school to learn the ins and outs of hydroplane operation.
Our TownSummary: Stage Mananger (Dick Cavett) describes his town to the audience.
Jimmy Cliff performs “Many Rivers to Cross”
Dick Cavett Lookalike ContestSummary: The winner of the Dick Cavet Lookalike Contest (Marshall Efron) hardly resembles Dick Cavett at all.
Gary Weis FilmSummary: A tailor and a plastic surgeon make alterations to one another.
Dance To The NationSummary: Betty Ford’s (Jane Curtin) dispenses common-sense advice while performing dance moves on stage.
H & L Brock IISummary: Lowell Brock (John Belushi) and the H & L Brock tax team will pay off IRS officials and find tricky loopholes that will work in your favor.
Looks At BooksSummary: Dick Cavett plugs his book detailing his lifestyle as a Nebraska pimp.
Jimmy Cliff performs “Wahjaka Man”
H & L Brock IIISummary: Lowell Brock (John Belushi) and the H & L Brock tax team’s ties with the underworld can be an asset to you this tax season.
Note: Lorne Michaels plays an off-screen joke on John Belushi during this sketch, by tying Belushi’s shoelaces together below his chair.
“The Apple Follies”Summary: Harry McDevitt’s film features a police raid following an apple’s strip tease.
“I Gotta Be Me”Summary: Hardhat Al Alen Petersen is transformed into a blonde woman.