Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 12
… Robert Van Ry, SNL Stage Manager
… Chevy Chase
… Garrett Morris
[Chevy Chase’s dressing room. Chevy, surrounded byfour attractive young women, wears a gray suit and tieand sits before a TV set. He sips a drink held for himby one of the women.]
Robert Van Ry: [off screen] One minute, Mr. Chase!
Chevy Chase: Thank you, Bob. [a woman in Chevy’s lapoffers him some food] Oh, strawberries. [dropsstrawberry] Oop. Geez. [the women laugh obsequiously,Chevy eats the strawberry] I gotta get out there.[rises, brushes himself off, talks to the women as heheads for the door] Just wait here, okay?
[Chevy exits into hallway where he bumps into GarrettMorris just outside Garrett’s dressing room.]
Garrett Morris: Hey, hey, Chevy, what’s happenin’?
Chevy Chase: Garrett! How are you? Good to see you.
[They shake hands warmly.]
Garrett Morris: How you doin’, man? How’s everything?
Chevy Chase: Gotta go out and open the show.
Garrett Morris: Yeah, I know. Good luck, man.
Chevy Chase: Thanks.
Garrett Morris: Hey, hey, get that lint off. [thoughtfully picks some lint off Chevy’s gray suit]
Chevy Chase: I’m not gonna be able to do a fall this week.
Garrett Morris: No? Why not?
Chevy Chase: I really injured my back last week doing one, I think.
Garrett Morris: Oh, you know, I noticed you werefavoring your back, man, when you were walkin’. Bettertake it easy, bro’. Your shoes shined, man? [looks atChevy’s shoes] Yeah, okay.
Chevy Chase: Hey, listen, you’re not in the show verymuch this week and I’m pretty upset about it. I hopeyou’re not bothered by it. I know that it’s–
Garrett Morris: Oh, no, man. Look, I’m just glad to bein the show with you, man.
Chevy Chase: Just ’cause I’m gettin’ all the–
Garrett Morris: You a star, man. You a great talent, man.
Chevy Chase: I mean, I’m gettin’ all the publicity inthe press and everything but that’s– you know.
Garrett Morris: Hey, but, I’m– Look, I’m diggin’bein’ on the show with you.
Chevy Chase: You’re a fine actor, Garrett. I enjoy working with you.
Garrett Morris: Thanks a lot, man. Look, it’s a pleasure workin’ with you, man.
Chevy Chase: I’ll see ya later.
Garrett Morris: Hey! Good luck, Chevy, man.
Chevy Chase: Thanks.
Garrett Morris: Take it easy.
[Chevy walks off down the hallway but we stay withGarrett who glances up and down the hall cautiouslybefore retreating into his dressing room. Garrett sitsat a desk, puts on a necklace strung with teeth and aderby hat with a feather in it. He sings wordlessly ashe picks up a small, gray-suited Chevy Chase doll,flips it over and starts manipulating the featheredpin stuck in its back — it’s a voodoo doll.]
Garrett Morris: [rolls his eyes, singing] Chevy Chaaaaaase!
[Cut to home base where a microphone rests on a stool.]
Don Pardo V/O: Ladies and gentlemen, Chevy Chase!
[Audience applauds as Chevy enters slowly, clutching his sore back, picks up the microphone and sits on the stool.]
Chevy Chase: Thank you. Thank you very much. Hello,everybody and welcome. I have a slight apology tomake. I won’t be doing the traditional fall to openthe show due to a back injury which I sustained lastweek. I would, however– And boy! Is it killin’ me –to sing a song for you, just to, uh, warm things up.
[As Chevy talks, we cut to Garrett’s dressing roomwhere Garrett pulls the pin out of the doll’s back andsticks it in the neck.]
Garrett Morris: [singing] Chevy Cha–!
[Cut back to home base where Chevy clutches at his neck.]
Chevy Chase: And, uh– Ow! That’s, like, shootingright up into my neck, you know? But, uh, anyway, uh,well, let’s give it a try. Uh, want to hit it, Paul?[Offstage, unseen pianist Paul Shaffer starts playingthe 1937 George and Ira Gershwin pop standard “TheyCan’t Take That Away from Me” — Chevy sings:]
The way you wear your hat –
The way we danced till three –
The mem’ry of all that–
[Cut to Garrett who hurls the doll up against hisdressing room wall, watching it fall to the floor.]
Garrett Morris: [singing] Chevy!
[Cut back to Chevy who, microphone in hand, pitchesforward and falls headlong off of home base,disappearing from camera range, landing on the floorin front of the stage and knocking over the stool inthe process. Applause. Close-up of Chevy on thefloor.]
Chevy Chase: Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!