SNL Transcripts: Peter Boyle: 02/14/76: Remembrances of Things Past

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 13

75m: Peter Boyle / Al Jarreau

Remembrances of Things Past

…..Jane Curtin
Mr. X…..Dan Aykroyd

[ open on title card ]

[ dissolve to Jane Curtin on talk show set ]

Jane Curtin: Good evening, and welcome. We’re proud to present an historic moment tonight. with us is an distinguished ex-statesman. And because of previous network and legal agreements, we’re forced to withhold his true identity. Welcome to our show — Mr. X.

[ reveal Mr. X, wearing a rubber face mask ]

Mr. X: [ obviously Richard Nixon in a poor disguise ] I’m, uh — I’m very happy to be hear tonight.

Jane Curtin: I understand you have a very important message for us.

Mr. X: Uhh — well, as everyone knows… I’ve had a lot of time to reflect, uh, to take long walks on the beach. Ohhhh — I let my hair grow, for a bit. Read some Herman Hesse.

Jane Curtin: And, tell me, where did all this introspection take you?

Mr. X: Oh, well, one afternoon, I… I looked down at the sand under my feet, and I realized that each grain has its moment in the sun. And then, that freedom’s just another word for “nothing left to lose.” Annnnnd… I left out a large karmic debt.

Jane Curtin: [ confused ] Uh, what?

Mr. X: My karmic debt. You know — karma. Karma! The Indian concept of every action in its lifetime produces an energy which is either positive or negative.

Jane Curtin: Would you give us an example of karma?

Mr. X: Uhhhh — well, let me say this: It’s — it’s — it’s certainly no accident that Bob Haldemann can’t grow a decent beard.

Jane Curtin: [ laughing ] I understand, though, that you have some dramatic new plans?

Mr. X: Uhhhh, yes, Jane. I’m, uh, I’m moving to Red China.

Jane Curtin: Red China?

Mr. X: Yes. The China of Confucius. The China of Lao Tzu. You know, the one with the wall.

Jane Curtin: Yes… Yes, I know. Uh, what exactly do you plan to do there?

Mr. X: I’m going to live the life of an ordinary monk.

Jane Curtin: So this means that you’ll cut off all ties with the past?

Mr. X: Uhhhh, no. I’ll keep my turkey ranch in Salvast. I have an interest in Donald’s Used Car Lot in Anaheim — uh, that is, that is Ronald’s Used Marina in Oxnard.

Jane Curtin: And you’ll give up everything else?

Mr. X: Yes, I’m — I’m turning San Clemente into an hashran for my surfing friends, a place where they can come and Hang Ten in peace.

Jane Curtin: That’s — that’s absolutely marvelous. You know, I’m delighted that we had this opportunity to speak.

Mr. X: My pleasure, Jane. And I’ll send peace and love to all people — Hare Krishna, Hare Lama. [ he begins to chant ]

Jane Curtin: Thank you very much! This is Jane Curtin with “Remembrances of Things Past”. We’ll be right back after this filmed message.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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