SNL Transcripts: Peter Boyle: 02/14/76: Jason & Chloe’s Slideshow


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 13












75m: Peter Boyle / Al Jarreau

Jason & Chloe’s Slideshow

Jason…..Dan Aykroyd
Chloe…..Laraine Newman
Bob…..Peter Boyle
Chinese food delivery boy on slide…..Akira Yoshimura

[ open on interior, Jason and Chloe’s apartment — Chloe meditates on a corner swing as Jason occupies himself at the coffee table. Iron Butterfly’s “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” plays in the background. ] [ the doorbell rings; Jason turns down the stereo and answers the door ]

Bob: [ enters ] Hey, kids — I’m sorry to barge in like this, but, uh, I think I must have gotten another one of your packages by mistake, you know? This is something from the [ reading: ] “Mountain Snow Baby Powder Company in Bolivia”.

Jason: [ half freaking ] That’s mine, man.

Bob: I never knew Bolivia exported baby powder.

Jason: Ohhhh yeah, man — they have a big mail-order business in, like, baby powder and talc, you know?

Bob: Oh. Well, what the heck! Why not just buy it at the corner drugstore?

Jason: Ohhh… well, like… you know, I have this, uh, rash — you know, I’m allergic? I need this special Bolivian baby powder, like, I have to order it special.

Bob: Well, I always figured it might be yours because, you know, last week, that mix-up with the Afghani Astroturf?

Jason: It’s like a, you know, sort of organic turf, like, you can only order in Afghanistan!

Bob: Right… right. Well, you explained last time about your, uh, organic miniature golf course.

Jason: You should try it out sometime — [ he reaches for his package ] I’ll — I’ll take the package…

Bob: Well, look — maybe I should really check this with the Super because it’s only addressed to the Occupant.

Jason: Yeah, th-that’s cool. It’s me, man. It’s cool. [ he grabs the package ]

Bob: Sure, sure, you are the Occupant.

Jason: Chloe! Chloe! [ he acknowledges Chloe on the swing ] She’s meditating, man.

Bob: Oh.

Jason: Chloe! [ Chloe opens her eyes ] Snow White’s back in town.

Chloe: Far out! [ she climbs out of her swing ]

Bob: Hi! I’m Bob.

Chloe: Oh! Far out! Wow! Like, deja vu! Don’t I know you from another lifetime?

Bob: I think you know me from just across the hall.

Chloe: Ohhh! Far out!

[ Jason is now tinkering with a slide projector ]

Jason: Hey, man — you’re just in to catch the slides of our trip.

Bob: Oh. Where did you go?

[ Chloe dims the lights ]

Chloe: Innerspace, Bob!

[ Chloe pushes Bob down onto the couch with them ]

Bob: Oh.

Jason: We dropped some acid, man.

Bob: Oh… well, it’ll probably turn up somewhere. Hey, I can’t stay long, though, you know? I’m gonna taken the wife and kids to see “The Wildnerness Family”.

Jason: Oh… wow.

Bob: It’s a heck of a thing, timber wolves and everything…

Jason: If you’re, uh, into visuals, man, you’re really gonna dig these slides.

Bob: O-kay…

[ first slide: close-up of Chloe drinking water ]

Chloe: Oh, wow! That’s me drinking water!

[ next slide: close-up of record ]

Jason: “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida”, man! The greatest record EVER made!

Bob: It even looks great!

Jason: Yeah!

[ next slide: close-up of Chloe’s hand on a windowpane ]

Chloe: Ohhh! This is me with my hand on the windowpane? Like, I could really feellll the window’s paaaane. Ohhhh.

[ next slide: Jason’s shoe ]

Jason: Dig this, man! Inside my shoe, my foot is, like, evolving from webbed to furry to hooved to cloven, man!

[ next slide: Jason’s bare foot ]

Jason: But, like, you know — I couldn’t get my shoe off in time to see it, you know? It evolved back into a man’s foot.

Bob: Oh. I know how you feel — I had my back go out on me last Tuesday. Oh, boy.

[ next slide: close-up of Jason’s nipple ]

Jason: [ proudly ] That’s mine!

[ next slide: Chinese food delivery boy ]

Chloe: Ohhh! That’s the Chinese food delivery boy! He really blew me away!

[ next slide: inside of empty Chinese food carton ]

Jason: That’s the Moo Goo Gai Pan carton, man! I gazed in there, you know, and I saw Confucuius and Buddha, man…

Chloe: I saw Mao… and Tao… and Lao. What do you see?

Bob: Oh, I don’t know? How about Huey, Dewey, and Louie? [ he cracks himself up laughing ] [ next slide: a chocolate cake ]

Chloe: Ohh! That’s the cake I made for a picnic in the park! It was raining, so we left it out on the fire escape.

Jason: We watched it melt for hours, all the sweet cream icing flowing down.

Chloe: I really — I didn’t think I could TAKE it!

Jason: It took SO long to BAKE it, man.

Chloe: And I’ll never have that recipe again.

Bob: Oh, no! Aw, that’s too bad.

[ next slide: Jason rushing ]

Chloe: Oh, that’s Jason rushing, man.

[ next slide: Chloe peaking ]

Jason: Chloe peaking, man.

[ next slide: Jason freaking ]

Chloe: And that’s Jason FREAKING! Ohhhh!

[ next slide: Chloe coming down ]

Jason: Chloe coming down. Man, this trip, you know, really really tripped me. It was the first time I dug rapping with her, you know, as much as I did, you know, making it with her, you know?

Chloe: [ touched ] That’s really beautiful.

[ next slide: close-up of telephone }

[ sound effect: telephone ringing ]

Chloe: MIND-BLOWER!! Like, that picture’s so super-real! I can hear it RINGING!!

Jason: I can hear it, too! What a FLASH!

Bob: Oh, hey — the phone IS ringing!

Jason: Oh. Far out! [ he answers the phone ] Hello? Dog Head! Yeah! Uh… Blizzard in Bolivia. Lights flurries with a nasal mist, man. [ Bob leans in ] It’s not cool now, man. I’ll talk later. [ he hangs up ]

Bob: Oh, hey! [ he laughs ] I gotta run! [ he stands ] The movie… the wife… [ he rushes toward the door ]

Chloe: [ leans up to Bob’s shoulder ] Oh, say, Bob, by the way… are you into the number Three or anything?

Bob: [ uncomfortable ] Oh, the wife… I-I-I-I gotta go meet the wife.

Chloe: Hey, the number Four’s groovy with me, too!

Bob: [ desperate to leave ] Well, hey — we’ll have lunch sometime! We’ll go down to get some burgers! Okay?

Jason: Oh, say, that reminds me, Bob — uh, I’m expecting this package, you know? Like, it’s from Nepal. It’s fudge, from Nepal.

Bob: Ohhh, oh! Reefer fudge! I’d LOVE a taste!

Jason: It’s a special Nepalese fudge — you know, no calories, man?

Bob: Count me in!

Jason: Oh, okay. No problem. You just drop it over if it comes to your place.

Bob: Oh, anyway, I hate to rush — nice slideshow, wonderful —

Chloe: Oh, Bob, tell me one more thing: like, are you ever home during the day?

Bob: W-well… when my work allows it. You see, I’m a prole officer.

Jason: [ jumpy, thrusts his package into Bob’s arms ] Uh, would you take this down to the Super, man?! Okay? Thanks a lot!

[ they shove Bob into the hall and slam the door ]

Jason: Wow. I could use a stiff drink.

Chloe: Really, fer sure.

[ pull out to audience wide shot, with SUPER: “Coming Up Next… Midget Whales” ] [ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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