Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 14
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Air Date:Host:Musical Guest:Special Guests:Cameos:
January 24th, 1976
Peter Cook
Dudley Moore
Neil Sedaka
None
George Coe
Alan Zweibel
Tom Schiller
Willie Day
Richard Belzer
Tom Davis
Neil Levy
Anne Beatts
Michael O’Donoghue
Season 1: Order Now!
Ford’s Psychiatrist
Summary: President Ford’s (Chevy Chase) psychiatrist (Dan Aykroyd) administers a word association test prior to Ford’s crashing through the office wall.
Recurring Characters: President Gerald Ford.
Transcript
Montage
Desi Arnaz’s Monologue
Summary: Desi Arnaz raves about the “special” cigars given to him by the cast.
Bio: Cuban musician Desi Arnaz (1917-86) founded Desilu Productions with wife Lucille Ball, where he developed the multicamera setup production style that would become the sitcom standard. He produced “I Love Lucy”, “Make Room For Daddy”, the pilot episode of “The Untouchables”, and a handle of other programs. He and Lucille Ball divorced in 1960.
Transcript
National Express Card
Summary: His National Express Card enables Rubin Carter (Garrett Morris) to be recognized in prison.
Recurring Characters: Rubin Carter.
Transcript
40th Birthday
Summary: A husband’s (Chevy Chase) plans for fabulous sex on his 40th birthday turn sour in the bedroom, so his wife (Jane Curtin) and their guests gather together to try and cheer him up.
Transcript
Luciana Vermicelli’s Beauty Regimen
Summary: Luciana Vermicelli (Laraine Newman) pops out of a coffin to tell viewers the secret of her beauty regimen.
Transcript
Literary Recital
Summary: Lewis Carroll’s Jabberwocky is butchered when Desi Arnaz reads it in his Cuban accent.
Very White
Summary: Preppy performer Very White (Chevy Chase) delivers a soulful narration of his love for his woman.
Transcript
Failed “I Love Lucy” Pilots
Summary: Desi Arnaz shows the audience clips of himself (Desi Arnaz, Jr.) and Lucille Ball (Gilda Radner) in some oddly-titled “I Love Lucy” pilots.
Recurring Characters: Lucille Ball.
Transcript
Weekend Update with Chevy Chase
Summary: An artist’s rendering of the Patty Hearst trial is comprised of a Betty Boop cartoon.
Transcript
Speed
Summary: Diet pill lets housewife (Anne Beatts) get lots of work done.
Note: Repeat from 11/22/75.
The Untouchables
Summary: Eliot Ness (Dan Aykroyd) successfully captures drug kingpin Raoul Nitti (Desi Arnaz) when his wife, Lucy (Gilda Radner) packs the wrong machine gun.
Transcript
Lucy & Ethel
Summary: Lucy Ricardo (Gilda Radner) shows Ethel (Jane Curtin) various costumes she’ll use to sneak into Ricky’s club.
Recurring Characters: Lucille Ball.
Desi Arnaz & Desi Arnaz, Jr. perform “Cuban Pete”
Bio: The second child of Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball, Desi Arnaz, Jr. (1953-) was worked into the storyline of “I Love Lucy” during Ball’s pregnancy, which broke new ground in allowing a character to be pregnant on television. As a newborn baby, he appeared on the first cover of TV Guide.
Gary Weis Film
Summary: “Taylor’s Cat” features Taylor Mead’s cat getting high on catnip.
Cuban Acupuncture
Summary: A Cuban acupuncturist (Desi Arnaz) uses cigars to cure his patient’s (John Belushi) headaches.
Understanding Men
Summary: A frustrated Judy (Laraine Newman) cites poor communcation as a reason to break up with Matt (Chevy Chase), who uses a series of nonsense words she can’t understand in order to break up with her first.
Transcript
Bisexual Minute
Summary: Jane Curtin recalls one of America’s earliest lesbian affairs.
Transcript
Desi’s Book
Summary: Lucille Ball (Gilda Radner) comments on Desi Arnaz’s new book.
Recurring Characters: Lucille Ball.
Transcript
Desi Arnaz & Desi Arnaz, Jr. perform “Babalu”
Goodnights
