Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 14
Dr. Speck ….. Dan Aykroyd
Gerald Ford ….. Chevy Chase
[ FADE IN on Dr. Speck seated in his office. He dusts off a pillow with the Presidential seal on it and puts it on the couch next to him. There is a knock at the door ]
Dr. Speck: Come in.[ Speck stands up to greet his patient, President Gerald Ford ]
Dr. Speck: Good afternoon, Mr. President.
Gerald Ford: Good afternoon, Dr. Speck.
Gerald Ford: You know, I just want to tell you that these sessions have been great for me and I’m much more clearheaded already.
Dr. Speck: Well, I’m very glad to hear that, Mr. President. If you’d just like to lie down we can get on with the session.
Gerald Ford: Wonderful. Thank you.[ Ford takes a few steps towards the couch but lies down on the floor ]
Dr. Speck: Uh, Mr. President, it might go a little easier if you just lie down on the couch as you usually do.
Gerald Ford: Ah.[ Ford gets up and lies down on the couch the wrong way, horizontally rather than vertically ]
Dr. Speck: Might I suggest, Mr. President, that things might flow a little easier if you lie down with your head up here (motions toward pillow) and your body lengthwise on the couch.
Gerald Ford: Very good, doctor.[ Ford finally lies down the correct way ]
Dr. Speck: Now, we talked about dreams last time. I want you to remember to your last dream, either last night or the night before. Just lay back and tell me what you see.[ Speck starts taking notes as Ford looks upwards and tells the doctor what he sees ]
Gerald Ford: I see…white squares…black dots…kind of forming a pattern…the dots and the squares…[ Speck stops taking notes and slowly and looks up at the ceiling ]
Gerald Ford: The sqaures seem to be like white tile…
Dr. Speck: Uh, Mr. President, that’s the ceiling I believe your looking at.
Gerald Ford: Ah, yes.
Dr. Speck: Let’s try a little free association, okay? Do you know what that is?
Gerald Ford: That’s when you don’t have to pay for it, isn’t it?[ Ford laughs heartily at his joke while Dr. Speck feigns a few chuckles ]
Dr. Speck: That’s very, very funny, Mr. President. All right now, free association means that I’ll say a word and then you’ll say a word. Whatever word pops into your head, okay?
Gerald Ford: Yes.
Dr. Speck: Okay. Apple.
Gerald Ford: Apple.
Dr. Speck: House.
Gerald Ford: House.
Dr. Speck: No no no, you can say a different word that the one I say, okay?
Gerald Ford: Yes, of course.
Dr. Speck: Apple.
Gerald Ford: Apples.
Dr. Speck: It can be a completely different concept, you know.
Gerald Ford: Different word?
Dr. Speck: Yes, completely different. Apple.
Gerald Ford: Cider.
Dr. Speck: Good…
Gerald Ford: Bad.
Dr. Speck: No.
Gerald Ford: Yes.
Dr. Speck: Stop!
Gerald Ford: Go.
Dr. Speck: (pauses, then resumes the free association) Rug.
Gerald Ford: Trip.
Dr. Speck: Carpet.
Gerald Ford: Spill.
Dr. Speck: Car.
Gerald Ford: Crash.
Dr. Speck: Head.
Gerald Ford: Bump.
Dr. Speck: Snow.
Gerald Ford: Slip.
Dr. Speck: Primary.
Gerald Ford: Lose.
Dr. Speck: Reagan.
Gerald Ford: Hair dye.
Dr. Speck: China.
Gerald Ford: Pardon. Dr. Speck, I’m not feeling too well today. Got up on the wrong side of the bed. Maybe we could continue this tomorrow.
Dr. Speck: Certainly, certainly.
Gerald Ford: Thank you, doctor. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Dr. Speck: Fine.[ Ford gets up on the wrong side of the couch and crashes through the wall ] [ CUT to Ford standing behind the set. He looks into the camera ]
Gerald Ford: Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!
Submitted by: Dan Pascoe