Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 15
Jill Clayburgh’s Monologue
… Don Pardo
… Jill Clayburgh
Don Pardo: Ladies and gentlemen, Jill Clayburgh!
Jill Clayburgh: Hi. Thank you! Thank you! Well, I’mreally happy to be tonight’s host. You know, I didn’tknow how to prepare for it. I mean, it’s livetelevision and most of the people connected with theshow are, uh, well, they’re my age and they don’t knowmuch more than I do about it. So I did, uh, well, itseemed to be the most sensible thing. I went right tothe one person who’s connected with the show who has,well, he has more experience in live television thananybody. He’s a wonderful gentlemen and his name isDon Pardo. [Applause.] And, uh … uh, you know, hewas the announcer on “Jeopardy!” and lots of otherprograms like that and I – I asked him to help me andoh, well, he couldn’t do enough. And the thing abouthim is that he’s not what you’d expect a game showannouncer to be. I mean, he has a really culturedbackground and, well, I had quite an evening with him.First, Don picked me up in his car.
Don Pardo: Not just any car, Jill! [dissolve to imageof an antique luxury car] That was a 1936 model [?]Coupe de Ville! Just one of the many antiqueautomobiles from the Don Pardo Classic Car Collection,silver-trimmed for comfort, taste and a smooth andeasy ride. Chicago six-oh-six-oh-eight! Jill? [cutback to Jill]
Jill Clayburgh: Yeah. Well, after he picked me up, uh,we took a drive to Don’s home. Oh, what a nice house.
Don Pardo: Jill, that’s the magnificent Pardo Manor inupstate New York, [dissolve to image of a hugemansion] thirty-six rooms of custom-designed FrenchNormandie elegance, one of the many of the Don Pardoassortment of fine homes. Chicago six-oh-six-oh-eight!Jill? [cut back to Jill]
Jill Clayburgh: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nice house. Well, wewent inside and, oh, I saw all these wonderful worksof art. And I remember there was this one beautifulprint in particular–
Don Pardo: A print, Jill? Look again! [dissolve toimage of a painting] That’s an original Cezanne, his”Still Life with Plaster,” just one in the collectionof the Don Pardo French Masters Series. Chicagosix-oh-six-oh-eight! Jill? [cut back to Jill]
Jill Clayburgh: Well, after we dined, we discussed theshow and I met one of his sons.
Don Pardo: Not just any son, Jill, but young Don Pardothe Third! [dissolve to a photo of a young boy inriding clothes, holding a pony by the reins] Sevenyears of exciting life has been all his, educated atfine New York private schools and he’ll go on to suchschools as Andover, Harvard and Yale graduate school!Don is one of a set of five matching children from theDon Pardo Collection of Fine Youngsters! Chicagosix-oh-six-oh-eight! Jill? [cut back to Jill]
Jill Clayburgh: Yeah. You see what I mean? I mean, howmuch you can learn from a real pro? You know, that’sreally gonna help me. Thanks, Don!
Don Pardo: You’re welcome, Jill!
Jill Clayburgh: Well, we’ll be right back.