Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 15
75o: Jill Clayburgh / Leon Redbone
The Restaurant
Woman…..Jill Clayburgh
Man…..Chevy Chase
Woman: What are you thinking about?
Man: [ looking up ] Hmm? Nothing.
Woman: Ohh.. When you sit there with that look on your face, you must be thinking about something.
Man: Well.. if I am, I guess I’m thinking about a million things at once.
Woman: Like what?
Man: Well.. like the music, what I ordered for dinner, what we did tonight.. what I’m gonna do tomorrow.
Woman: Don’t you ever think about me?
Man: Of course, I do. I’m thinking about you right now.
Woman: What are you thinking about me?
Man: Well, uh.. I was thinking: “I wonder what she’s thinking about?”
Woman: Nothing else?
Man: Well, I was thinking.. how much I love you.
Woman: How much do you love me?
Man: I love you a lot.
Woman: How much do you love me?
Man: I love you a real lot.
Woman: Ohh. Well, why do you love me?
Man: Why do I love you?
Woman: Yes. Why do you love me?
Man: Well.. because you’re a wonderful person. And, uh —
Woman: Well, what makes me so wonderful that you love me so much?
Man: Well, you’re inquisitive. Always wondering, asking questions. You have a funny way of brushing your hair in the morning.
Woman: Oh.
Man: You like Grape-Nuts. The way you can’t stand wrinkles in the rug.
Woman: Oh, that’s sweet!
Man: You think so?
Woman: [ cheerily ] Yes!
Man: What are you thinking about?
Woman: Oh.. warthogs.
[ cut immediately to her thoughts – warthogs trotting around a dirt field over a soundtrack of wild calliope music ] [ dissolve to pan to audience member, with SUPER: “John Beresford Tifton” ] [ fade ]