Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 15
White Guilt Relief Fund
… Garrett Morris
Announcer … Don Pardo
[In front of a brick wall, Garrett Morris, wearingsuit and tie, his head cocked to one side as if hewere missing a bone from his neck, addresses thecamera.]
Garrett Morris: Hi. I’m Garrett Morris, talkin’ to allyou white Americans about the way black people havebeen treated in America. Now, I know a lot of you feelguilty — and you should. My great-great-grandmotherwas brought over here on a slave ship and was raped byher white master. And my grandfather was lynched by amob for not tippin’ his hat to a white lady. Now,they’re dead now and there’s nothing you can do toerase their suffering. However, if you would like torelieve your guilt, I am willing to accept money as arepresentative victim of four hundred years ofrepression. Send your check or money order to WhiteGuilt Relief Fund, care of Garrett Morris, 870 West127th Street, New York, New York 10089 [Superimposedtext reads: WHITE GUILT RELIEF FUND c/o GarrettMorris, 870 West 127th Street, New York, New York10089] — and if you send in before July 4th, 1976,[holds up a parchment scroll and an orange card] Iwill send you this beautiful scroll and I.D. cardcertifying you as an honorary Negro in the eyes ofseveral black Americans! Once again, that address![Smiling, Garrett pauses as Don Pardo takes over.]
Announcer: White Guilt Relief Fund, in care of GarrettMorris, 870 West 127th Street, New York, New York10089. Send cash or money. I know I have. I felt justterrible until I did.
Garrett Morris: Thank you!