SNL Transcripts: Ron Nessen: 4/17/76


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 17

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Air Date:


Musical Guest:

Special Guests:


Bit Players:

April 17th, 1976

Ron Nessen

Patti Smith Group

Bill Crystal

President Gerald Ford

Neil Levy

Tom Davis

Al Franken

Michael O’Donoghue

Tom Schiller

Alan Zweibel

Season 1: Order Now!free website hit counter The Dead String Quartet IISummary: Members of the Dead String Quartet (John Belushi, Laraine Newman, Garrett Morris, Chevy Chase) give a silent performance punctuated by their keeling over onto one another.



Ron Nessen’s MonologueSummary: Ron Nessen comically details his job as President Ford’s press secretary, then is promptly fired over the phone by his Commander-in-Chief.


Super Bass-O-Matic ’76Summary: Pitchman (Dan Aykroyd) advocates an easier way to enjoy the taste of bass.


Ford/NessenSummary: Ron Nessen talks President Gerald Ford (Chevy Chase) into allowing him to host “Saturday Night Live” this week.

Recurring Characters: President Gerald Ford.


Jam HawkersSummary: With tasteless and obscene names like Fluckers and Monkey Pus, these have to be the best jams on the market!


Patti Smith Group performs “Gloria”

Press Secretaries Through HistorySummary: Catherine the Great’s press secretary, Leonid Pushnev (Ron Nessen), gives a briefing upon her death.


Lie Detector TestSummary: Julie Nixon (Gilda Radner) uses a lie detector to test David Eisenhower’s (Dan Aykroyd) loyalty to her family.


The New ArmySummary: Pot-smoking Lt. Col. Scott Shuman (John Belushi) promotes the new Army for today’s counterculture youth.


Weekend Update with Chevy ChaseSummary: Laraine Newman interviews Generallisimo Francisco Franco’s press secretary (Ron Nessen), regarding the current state of his death. Emily Litella (Gilda Radner) discusses “presidential erections”.

Recurring Characters: Emily Litella.


Up Against the WallpaperSummary: Jerry Rubin pitches grafitti wallpaper.

Note: Repeat from 10/18/75.

GarbageSummary: Gary Weis explores the world of waste management in New York.


Autumn FizzSummary: Fashionably chic woman (Gilda Radner) uses the carbonated douche.


TomorrowSummary: Manic Tom Snyder (Dan Aykroyd) interviews Ron Nessen about life in the Ford White House.

Recurring Characters: Tom Snyder.


Singing at the UrinalSummary: A trio of men sing while using the urinals in a film by David Massar.

Press Secretaries Through HistorySummary: Oedipus’ press secretary, Julius Marcellis (Ron Nessen), gives a briefing regarding the new queen.

Supreme Court Spot CheckSummary: Members of the Supreme Court (John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, Al Franken, Tom Davis, Alan Zweibel, Tom Schiller, Garrett Morris, Michael O’Donoghue, Neil Levy) monitor the sexual behavior of a cohabitating couple (Chevy Chase, Jane Curtin).


Press Secretaries Through HistorySummary: Thomas Jefferson’s press secretary, John Quincy Ross (Ron Nessen), gives a briefing regarding Jefferson’s non-slaves.

Billy Crystal Stand-UpSummary: Billy Crystal performs a stand-up monologue about a jazz musician he knew while growing up.


Try-Hard 1-11Summary: A battery strong enough to run a pacemaker all night.

Note: Repeat from 10/18/75.

MisconceptionsSummary: A dramatization proves that too many cooks don’t really spoil the broth.

Patti Smith Group performs “My Generation”


SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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