April 17th, 1976
Patti Smith Group
President Gerald Ford
Season 1: Order Now! The Dead String Quartet IISummary: Members of the Dead String Quartet (John Belushi, Laraine Newman, Garrett Morris, Chevy Chase) give a silent performance punctuated by their keeling over onto one another.
Ron Nessen’s MonologueSummary: Ron Nessen comically details his job as President Ford’s press secretary, then is promptly fired over the phone by his Commander-in-Chief.
Super Bass-O-Matic ’76Summary: Pitchman (Dan Aykroyd) advocates an easier way to enjoy the taste of bass.
Ford/NessenSummary: Ron Nessen talks President Gerald Ford (Chevy Chase) into allowing him to host “Saturday Night Live” this week.
Recurring Characters: President Gerald Ford.
Jam HawkersSummary: With tasteless and obscene names like Fluckers and Monkey Pus, these have to be the best jams on the market!
Patti Smith Group performs “Gloria”
Press Secretaries Through HistorySummary: Catherine the Great’s press secretary, Leonid Pushnev (Ron Nessen), gives a briefing upon her death.
Lie Detector TestSummary: Julie Nixon (Gilda Radner) uses a lie detector to test David Eisenhower’s (Dan Aykroyd) loyalty to her family.
The New ArmySummary: Pot-smoking Lt. Col. Scott Shuman (John Belushi) promotes the new Army for today’s counterculture youth.
Weekend Update with Chevy ChaseSummary: Laraine Newman interviews Generallisimo Francisco Franco’s press secretary (Ron Nessen), regarding the current state of his death. Emily Litella (Gilda Radner) discusses “presidential erections”.
Recurring Characters: Emily Litella.
Up Against the WallpaperSummary: Jerry Rubin pitches grafitti wallpaper.
Note: Repeat from 10/18/75.
GarbageSummary: Gary Weis explores the world of waste management in New York.
Autumn FizzSummary: Fashionably chic woman (Gilda Radner) uses the carbonated douche.
TomorrowSummary: Manic Tom Snyder (Dan Aykroyd) interviews Ron Nessen about life in the Ford White House.
Recurring Characters: Tom Snyder.
Singing at the UrinalSummary: A trio of men sing while using the urinals in a film by David Massar.
Press Secretaries Through HistorySummary: Oedipus’ press secretary, Julius Marcellis (Ron Nessen), gives a briefing regarding the new queen.
Supreme Court Spot CheckSummary: Members of the Supreme Court (John Belushi, Dan Aykroyd, Al Franken, Tom Davis, Alan Zweibel, Tom Schiller, Garrett Morris, Michael O’Donoghue, Neil Levy) monitor the sexual behavior of a cohabitating couple (Chevy Chase, Jane Curtin).
Press Secretaries Through HistorySummary: Thomas Jefferson’s press secretary, John Quincy Ross (Ron Nessen), gives a briefing regarding Jefferson’s non-slaves.
Billy Crystal Stand-UpSummary: Billy Crystal performs a stand-up monologue about a jazz musician he knew while growing up.
Try-Hard 1-11Summary: A battery strong enough to run a pacemaker all night.
Note: Repeat from 10/18/75.
MisconceptionsSummary: A dramatization proves that too many cooks don’t really spoil the broth.
Patti Smith Group performs “My Generation”