SNL Transcripts: Ron Nessen: 04/17/76: Super Bass-o-matic ’76


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 17

75q: Ron Nessen / Patti Smith

Super Bass-o-matic ’76

Spokesman…..Dan Aykroyd
Bass-Drinker…..Laraine Newman

Available on: The Best of Dan Aykroyd

[ open on manic Spokesman standing before his product, which rests on a table in fronr of him ]

Spokesman: How many times has this happened to you? You have a bass, and you’re trying to find an exciting new way to prepare it for the dinner table. You could scale the bass, remove the bass’ tail, head and bones, and serve the fish as you would any other fish dinner. But why bother, now that you can use Rovco’s amazing new kitchen tool, the Super Bass-o-Matic ’76. Yes, fish-eaters, the days of troublesome scaling, cutting and gutting are over, because Super Bass-o-Matic ’76 is the tool that lets you use the bass with no fish waste, and without scaling, cutting or gutting.

Here’s how it works: Catch a bass, remove the hook, and drop the bass -that’s the whole bass – into the Super Bass-o-Matic ’76. [ drops the bass into the blender ] Now, adjust the control dial so that the bass is blended just the way you like it. [ turns blender on and grinds it to a pulp ] Yes, it’s that simple!

[ cut to Bass-Drinker on another part of the set ]

Bass-Drinker: [ drinks a glassful of bass ] Wow, that’s terrificbass!

[ cut back to Spokesman ]

Spokesman: We’ve got fish here, fast and easy and ready to pour,mmm-mmm! Super Bass-o-Matic ’76 comes with ten interchangeable rotors, a nine-month guarantee, and a booklet: 1,001 Ways to Harness Bass. Super Bass-o-Matic ’76 works great on sunfish, perch, sole, and other small aquatic creatures. [ blends one of each ]

Super Bass-o-Matic ’76 – it’s clean, simple, and after five or ten fish, it gets to be quite a rush! Super Bass-o-Matic ’76 – you’ll never have to scale, cut or gut again!

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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