SNL Transcripts: Ron Nessen: 04/17/76: Autumn Fizz

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 17




75q: Ron Nessen / Patti Smith

Autumn Fizz

Written by: Gilda Radner & Alan Zweibel

Woman…..Gilda Radner
Man…..Chevy Chase

[ open on Woman dressed finely as she sits on her bed ]

Woman: I love being a woman. Feeling fresh, soft, and fragrant makes me glad I’m myself. I like to be pampered in silk and flowing chiffon. THe finer things of life. And being feminine means being fresh and clean. When I think of the finest in jewelry, I think of Tiffany and Cartier. And, when I think of feminine hygeine, I think of Autumn Fizz — [ she holds up the product ] the carbonated douche. Autumn Fizz gives me the confidence a woman needs in today’s hectic world. It brings out the naturalfragrance of feminity, with the effervescence of uncola.

[ her boyfriend enters, dressed in a tux, and sits on the bed behind her ]

Woman: Autumn Fizz — [ she burps ] the carbonated douche. [ they exchange glances ] Don’t leave him holding the bag.

Man: Thank you.

[ she hands each bottle to her boyfriend ]

Woman: Now, in strawberry… lemon… and egg cream.

[ fade ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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