SNL Transcripts: Raquel Welch: 04/24/76: The Muppets



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 18






75r: Raquel Welch / John Sebastian

The Muppets

[ Backstage, in a cobwebby corridor. Scred and Ploobis enter. ]

Ploobis: Oh, Mighty Favog! Are you in here anywhere?

[ Just offstage, The Mighty Favog coughs. ]

The Mighty Favog: I’M OVER HEAH!

Scred: He’s over here, chief.

Ploobis: I heard his voice…

Scred: Yeah, yeah. Oh wow!

[ They find The Mighty Favog sitting on a crate, abandoned and covered in cobwebs. ]

Ploobis: Oh! Oh, Mighty Favog!

The Mighty Favog: TALK TA ME.

Ploobis: Listen. Things are in a terrible state?

The Mighty Favog: YER TELLIN’ ME?

Ploobis: Listen. Our land of Gorch is gone forever.

Scred: Yeah, they burned our scenery.

Ploobis: They burned our scenery… we’re no longer booked on the show… and they said, they said we’re puppets, and we don’t even have a lower half. So what do we do?

The Mighty Favog: DON’T LOOK DOWN.

Scred: Ohhh… This is terrible! Our world is coming to an end!

The Mighty Favog: YA WANT YER GOD’S ADVICE?

Ploobis & Scred: Oh, please! Please!

The Mighty Favog: DON’T BEG… MY ADVICE IS —

Ploobis: Yeah?

The Mighty Favog: FORGET IT.

Scred: Huh?

Ploobis: Forget it? What do you mean, forget it?

The Mighty Favog: I MEAN FORGET IT. PACK IT IN. QUIT.

Scred: Oh, no. No, no.

Ploobis: We can’t do that.

The Mighty Favog: SURE YA CAN. LISTEN. YOU’RE ONLY PUPPETS. YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL. YOU JUST GET PUT AWAY IN THE TRUNK.

Ploobis: Oh! Oh! Scred — I can’t handle this, Scred.

Scred: Oh, Mighty Favog… where’s the trunk.

The Mighty Favog: IT’S RIGHT OVER THERE.

Ploobis: Oh, no! Not the trunk, anything but the trunk!

The Mighty Favog: IT DON’T HURT TO GET IN THE TRUNK. PUPPETS DON’T HAVE FEELINGS.

Ploobis: Oh… do you believe this is really happening?

The Mighty Favog: JUST OPEN IT UP, AND GET RIGHT IN…

Ploobis: It’s latched… just a sec…

[ They try to open a big prop trunk, but they have trouble… ]

The Mighty Favog: YA CAN’T OPEN IT, YOU’RE PUPPETS!

Ploobis: We’ll get it in a minute!

Scred: Just rip it open! You’re strong.

[ They manage to get the trunk open. ]

Scred: Oh, look! Everybody else is already in here! Hiya, Wisss! Haven’t seen you since November.

Ploobis: Oh, look at that.

[ Peuta pops up in the trunk. ]

Peuta: Ploobis! Where have you been?

Ploobis: Oh, it’s been one of those days, Peuta.

Scred: Everybody shove over, we’re comin’ in…

Peuta: Oh! Ploobis! You can’t get in here! There’s no room to breathe!

Ploobis: Peuta… you’re a puppet. You don’t breathe, you’re not alive.

Peuta: What?

Ploobis: Oh, I don’t want to talk about it. Just get down here…

Scred: Oh! Wait a minute, I’m not in yet!

Ploobis: Get in here, Scred… Oh! There’s Vazh… Hi there, Vazh, how are ya…

[ The trunk closes. The Mighty Favog is the only one left. ]

The Mighty Favog: NOW. IF I COULD JUST TALK THE PRODUCER INTO LETTING ME HOST THE SHOW… RAHHHHRRR…

Courtesy of: Tough Pigs Anthology

SNL Transcripts

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