Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 18
75r: Raquel Welch / John Sebastian
[ Backstage, in a cobwebby corridor. Scred and Ploobis enter. ]
Ploobis: Oh, Mighty Favog! Are you in here anywhere?[ Just offstage, The Mighty Favog coughs. ]
The Mighty Favog: I’M OVER HEAH!
Scred: He’s over here, chief.
Ploobis: I heard his voice…
Scred: Yeah, yeah. Oh wow![ They find The Mighty Favog sitting on a crate, abandoned and covered in cobwebs. ]
Ploobis: Oh! Oh, Mighty Favog!
The Mighty Favog: TALK TA ME.
Ploobis: Listen. Things are in a terrible state?
The Mighty Favog: YER TELLIN’ ME?
Ploobis: Listen. Our land of Gorch is gone forever.
Scred: Yeah, they burned our scenery.
Ploobis: They burned our scenery… we’re no longer booked on the show… and they said, they said we’re puppets, and we don’t even have a lower half. So what do we do?
The Mighty Favog: DON’T LOOK DOWN.
Scred: Ohhh… This is terrible! Our world is coming to an end!
The Mighty Favog: YA WANT YER GOD’S ADVICE?
Ploobis & Scred: Oh, please! Please!
The Mighty Favog: DON’T BEG… MY ADVICE IS —
The Mighty Favog: FORGET IT.
Ploobis: Forget it? What do you mean, forget it?
The Mighty Favog: I MEAN FORGET IT. PACK IT IN. QUIT.
Scred: Oh, no. No, no.
Ploobis: We can’t do that.
The Mighty Favog: SURE YA CAN. LISTEN. YOU’RE ONLY PUPPETS. YOU’RE NOT EVEN REAL. YOU JUST GET PUT AWAY IN THE TRUNK.
Ploobis: Oh! Oh! Scred — I can’t handle this, Scred.
Scred: Oh, Mighty Favog… where’s the trunk.
The Mighty Favog: IT’S RIGHT OVER THERE.
Ploobis: Oh, no! Not the trunk, anything but the trunk!
The Mighty Favog: IT DON’T HURT TO GET IN THE TRUNK. PUPPETS DON’T HAVE FEELINGS.
Ploobis: Oh… do you believe this is really happening?
The Mighty Favog: JUST OPEN IT UP, AND GET RIGHT IN…
Ploobis: It’s latched… just a sec…[ They try to open a big prop trunk, but they have trouble… ]
The Mighty Favog: YA CAN’T OPEN IT, YOU’RE PUPPETS!
Ploobis: We’ll get it in a minute!
Scred: Just rip it open! You’re strong.[ They manage to get the trunk open. ]
Scred: Oh, look! Everybody else is already in here! Hiya, Wisss! Haven’t seen you since November.
Ploobis: Oh, look at that.[ Peuta pops up in the trunk. ]
Peuta: Ploobis! Where have you been?
Ploobis: Oh, it’s been one of those days, Peuta.
Scred: Everybody shove over, we’re comin’ in…
Peuta: Oh! Ploobis! You can’t get in here! There’s no room to breathe!
Ploobis: Peuta… you’re a puppet. You don’t breathe, you’re not alive.
Ploobis: Oh, I don’t want to talk about it. Just get down here…
Scred: Oh! Wait a minute, I’m not in yet!
Ploobis: Get in here, Scred… Oh! There’s Vazh… Hi there, Vazh, how are ya…[ The trunk closes. The Mighty Favog is the only one left. ]
The Mighty Favog: NOW. IF I COULD JUST TALK THE PRODUCER INTO LETTING ME HOST THE SHOW… RAHHHHRRR…
Courtesy of: Tough Pigs Anthology