Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 19
Madeline Kahn’s Monologue
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Madeline Kahn!
Madeline Kahn: Oh, my my, my, my! Hello! And thank you, and, to get right to the point, what are we going to do, um — it’s Mother’s Day very soon — in a half-hour or so, it’ll be Mother’s Day — and what can we do? I mean, you know, there doesn’t seem to be any way to repay, you know, what a person’s mother gives. I mean, you know, my mother gave me birth — I don’t know about yous. And then, you know, I gave her a scarf. And sometimes she gives me strength, and I give her nothing. And it’s just very upsetting. And I didn’t do ANYTHING this time, because I’ve been so busy, so, um… I do have this wonderful opportunity, and perhaps I could speak for all of you — [ she smiles ] in singing a little something… to Mother. And, here it is:
[ singing ] “M is for the many things she gave me.
O is for the other things she gave me.
T is for the thousand things she gave me.
H is for the hundred things she gave me.
E is for everything she gave me.
R is for the rest of the things she gave me.
P is for the presents that she gave me.
Put them all together, they spell “MOTHERP.”
The one who means the world to me.”
[ she shrugs and smiles, as the audience applauds ]
We’ll be right back!