SNL Transcripts: Madeline Kahn: 05/08/76: Wilderness Comedian


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 1: Episode 19

75s: Madeline Kahn / Carly Simon

Wilderness Comedian

Announcer…Dan Aykroyd
Comedian….John Belushi

[Fade in to wilderness backdrop. A few fake animals are perched on a log.]

Announcer: An entertainer turns his back on civilization to find nature’s audience. He made the animals laugh. Wilderness Comedian.

[“Wilderness Comedian” title appears. Comedian wearing yellow suit and holding microphone steps in front of the animals. He delivers a rapid-fire, Vegas-style comedy act]

Comedian: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you very much. You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, thank you. One mountain goat goes up to another mountain goat and says, “Who was that lady I saw you with last night?” The goat says, “That was no lady. That was my kid!” [Animals laugh at punchline] Thank you, thank you very much, thank you, thank you, thank you. Wait-wait a minute, wait a minute. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Hey, how do you like this coat, huh? How do you like this coat, huh? I got it real cheap. I bought it off a deer for a buck. It’s a buckskin! Thank you [Animals laugh]

Announcer: Yes, Wilderness Comedian starring Shecky Adams, in the story of a successful nightclub comic who gave up the wildlife of Las Vegas for the wildlife of the North American wilderness.

Comedian: Thank you very much. But seriously, birds and bees, it’s so wonderful to be here tonight. The wilderness is a crazy place. It’s really a nutty place. It just goes on here all the time, it’s absolutely insane. The other day, there’s this bear standing next to a creek trying to catch a salmon, right? And this moose walks by and says, “How ya doin’?” And the bear says, “Not so good. Haven’t caught a salmon all day.” The moose says, “No wonder.” He says, “No wonder. You’re facing the wrong way. Salmon swim upstream. [silence] Salmon swim UPSTREAM!” Hey, what is this, an Audubon painting? [Animals laugh] Thank you. Thank you very much.

Announcer: Your whole family will thrill to scenes of high adventure. [Bearskin rug suddenly “jumps” on comedian, who begins wrestling with it] Imagine grappling with a 400-pound wilderness heckler. Opening for Jerry Vale was never like this.

Comedian: Okay bear, you can sit down. We’ve all seen the coat before. [Tosses rug aside] Fine. Real good. Okay! All right, hey, look, I kid bears, I know. [Becomes serious] But I kid all species, you know? Why? Because we’re all animals, right, you know? And I love ’em. I don’t care whether they’re hooved, they’re furried or they’re feathered. I don’t care. After all, we’re all animals and [resumes comedic tone] Except the young ones today, the young animals today. I don’t know. They’re crazy. They all let their hair grow long, you know. I know a teenage, I know a teenage water buffalo. He’s six-two. He got a haircut, he’s five-four. Thank you [Animals laugh] Thank you very much.

Announcer: Yes, Wilderness Comedian. Opening soon in a Jerry Lewis theater near you on a double bill with Wilderness Golf Pro.

Submitted by: John Ravetti

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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