SNL Transcripts: Buck Henry: 05/22/76: Chevy On Crutches



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 21







75u: Buck Henry / Gordon Lightfoot

Chevy On Crutches

…..Chevy Chase
…..Laraine Newman

[ Chevy Chase hobbles onto the stage with a cast on his right leg. A red card table and folding chairs is at the left corner of the stage ]

Chevy Chase: Uh.. good evening, everybody. I’m afraid I have some disheartening news, for some of you. Uh.. unfortunately, I’ve inured my leg earlier this week, accepting an Emmy Award – uh, thank you.. very much. [ audience chuckles ] And, uh, it may be broken, I haven’t had it X-rayed yet, but, um.. Actually, I have had it X-rayed, I haven’t seen the X-rays. Anyway, obviously, I can’t do a fall for you, and, uh.. I wanted to do the opening fall.

However.. Laraine Newman – one of the Not Ready For Prime Time Players – has very graciously consented to do, uh.. the fall, instead. She’s gonna fall over this table to my right. I say gracious because.. the entire show, the entire staff of the show has been very, really terrific about my winning, uh, the Emmy – thank you again. [ audience chuckles ] There has been no enmity, no hostility, no jealousy. They’ve just been very warm and natural, and, uh.. congratulated me.

And I must say, even Laraine, uh.. who I, at times, thought didn’t maybe even like me that much, has actually volunteered and consented to come and do the fall. And I — some kind of pratfall, I don’t know what it will be. Of course, it won’t be as good as.. uh, my falls. But that’s not.. her fault. She’s not trained at that. She’s a mime, I believe. She’s a woman. Of course, women are clearly.. not built that way. They’re not built for physical schtick, or physical falling, and that kind of stuff. Physical comedy. So, I understand the hissing and all that. It’s just a fact, they’re just not built. So, as I say, anyway, she probably won’t be as good as me – the winner. Uh.. but.. uh, she’s gonna give it her all, I imagine. And, uh.. well, why don’t you give it a shot, Laraine?

[ Laraine Newman struts across the stage, stopping in front of the red card table ]

Chevy Chase: Thank you once again.

Laraine Newman: Thank you for this opportunity, Chevy.

Chevy Chase: Oh, you’re welcome.

[ Laraine stretches her arm out wide in preparation for her scene, then yanks Chevy’s right crutch forward and sends him toppling over the card table, which falls off the stage and sends itself and Chevy and his crutches to the floor. ]

Chevy Chase: [ pushes the broken card table off his body ] “Live! From New York! It’s Saturday Night!”

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