Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 1: Episode 22
75v: Elliot Gould / Leon Redbone
Elliot Gould’s Monologue
…..Elliot Gould
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Elliot Gould!
[ Elliott Gould runs down the stairs while peeling a banana, then hands the banana to an audience member as he reaches the apron of Home Base ]
Elliott Gould: [ holding his arms out ] Times have changed.
[ in the background, Paul Shaffer tinkles the keys of his piano ]
Elliott Gould: [ singing ]
“And we’ve often rewound the clock
Since the puritans got a shock
When they landed on Plymouth Rock.
Iiiiif today, any shock they should try to stem
instead of landing on Plymouth Rock
Plymouth rock would land on them.
In olden days a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking
Now, heaven knows
Anything goes.
Good authors, too, who once knew better words
Now only use four-letter words
Writing prose
Anything goes.
The world has gone mad today
And good’s bad today
And black’s white today
And day’s night today
When most guys today that women prize today
Are just silly gigolos.
So though I ain’t no great romancer
I know that you’re bound to answer
When I propose
Anything goes!”
[ he dances around ]
“The world has gone mad today
And black’s white today
And day’s night today
And what’s right today
And all the guys today that women prize today
Are just… [ he waves his arms ]
So though I ain’t no great romancer
I know that I’m bound to answer
When you propo-o-o-o-o-ose
And, tonight… everything goes”
Right after this message, from the message giver, who’s gonna deliver a mesage… in a minute!
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