SNL Transcripts: Elliot Gould: 05/29/76: Elliot Gould’s Monologue




 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 22





75v: Elliot Gould / Leon Redbone

Elliot Gould’s Monologue

…..Elliot Gould

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen — Elliot Gould!

[ Elliott Gould runs down the stairs while peeling a banana, then hands the banana to an audience member as he reaches the apron of Home Base ]

Elliott Gould: [ holding his arms out ] Times have changed.

[ in the background, Paul Shaffer tinkles the keys of his piano ]

Elliott Gould: [ singing ] “And we’ve often rewound the clock
Since the puritans got a shock
When they landed on Plymouth Rock.
Iiiiif today, any shock they should try to stem
instead of landing on Plymouth Rock
Plymouth rock would land on them.

In olden days a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking
Now, heaven knows
Anything goes.

Good authors, too, who once knew better words
Now only use four-letter words
Writing prose
Anything goes.

The world has gone mad today
And good’s bad today
And black’s white today
And day’s night today
When most guys today that women prize today
Are just silly gigolos.

So though I ain’t no great romancer
I know that you’re bound to answer
When I propose
Anything goes!”

[ he dances around ]

“The world has gone mad today
And black’s white today
And day’s night today
And what’s right today
And all the guys today that women prize today
Are just… [ he waves his arms ]

So though I ain’t no great romancer
I know that I’m bound to answer
When you propo-o-o-o-o-ose
And, tonight… everything goes”

Right after this message, from the message giver, who’s gonna deliver a mesage… in a minute!

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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