SNL Transcripts: Kris Kristofferson: 07/31/76

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 24


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July 31st, 1976

Kris Kristofferson

Rita Coolidge

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Season 1: Order Now! Help Me Make It Through The NightSummary: Kris Kristofferson sings “Help Me Make It Through the Night, while Chevy Chase makes it through the night with his wife, Rita Coolidge.

Montage

Kris Kristofferson’s Monologue

I Was Not A Sucker For Saturday NightSummary: Sherry (Laraine Newman) has written a tell-all book about her experiences serving as intern to SNL’s writing staff.

Recurring Characters: Sherry.

Transcript

Samurai General PractitionerSummary: Futaba (John Belushi) administers a physical to Kris Kristofferson.

Recurring Characters: Futaba.

Rita Coolidge performs “Hula Hoop”

The Great White AthleteSummary: Jesse Owens (Garrett Morris) is selling medals that formerly belonged to white athletes.

Transcript

Mississippi DelegateSummary: Mississippi delegate Frank Wade (Kris Kristofferson) asks President Gerald R. Ford (Chevy Chase) to side with him on a bill.

Recurring Characters: President Gerald Ford, Betty Ford.

Police StateSummary: A pair of police officers (Chevy Chase, Dan Aykroyd) go after criminals with a no-holds-barred style.

Transcript

Weekend Update with Chevy ChaseSummary: Laraine Newman accidentally reports live from Nassau instead of from NASA.

Transcript

Talk CountrySummary: Kris Kristofferson plugs the book that taught him how to talk like a good ol’ boy.

Transcript

Bobbi McGeeSummary: Kris Kristofferson sings a few bars of Me and Bobby McGee”, then brings out the young woman (Gilda Radner) who inspired the tune and learns that she has since married a man named Larry Farber (John Belushi).

Recurring Characters: Bobbi Farber, Larry Farber.

Transcript

Gynecologist Blind DateSummary: Judy (Jane Curtin) is uncomfortable when she finds out her friend has set her up on a blind date with her own gynecologist (Kris Kristofferson).

Transcript

Kris Kristofferson & Rita Coolidge perform “Eddie the Eunuch”

Praising CarterSummary: Andrew Young (Garrett Morris) speaks highly of presidential candidate Jimmy Carter (Dan Aykroyd), in the hopes of being asked to join his administration.

Recurring Characters: Andrew Yuong, Jimmy Carter.

Waiting For PardoSummary: Bob (Chevy Chase) and Bill (Kris Kristofferson) await the arrival of the mythic Don Pardo.

Transcript

Kris Kristofferson performs “I’ve Got a Life of My Own”

GoodnightsTranscript

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