SNL Transcripts: Kris Kristofferson: 07/31/76: The Great White Athlete

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 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 1: Episode 24



75x: Kris Kristofferson / Rita Coolidge

The Great White Athlete

Jesse Owens…..Garrett Morris
Announcer…..Don Pardo

[Gray-haired Jesse Owens, the legendaryAfrican-American track athlete who dominated the 1936Olympics, sits in a chair, wearing a suit and tie andaddresses the camera]

Jesse Owens: Hello, I’m Jesse Owens, here to make youan offer of lasting value. For a limited time only,the American Olympic Committee together with thegovernment of Canada are offering these beautifulOlympic medallions, [holds up the medallions]commemorating some of the last of a dying breed: theGreat White Athlete. For only forty-five dollars, youcan own the entire set with white heroes of hockey,swimming and spear-chucking– umm… I mean, javelinthrow. Hurry and send in now while they last, honky.

[A superimposition reads: Great White Athletes Box1976 Johannesburg, S. Africa]

Announcer: That’s “Great White Athlete” — Box 1976Johannesburg, South Africa.

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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