SNL Transcripts: Norman Lear: 09/25/76: Chevy’s Girls



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 2









76b: Norman Lear / Boz Scaggs

Chevy’s Girls

…..Norman Lear
…..Jane Curtin
…..Laraine Newman
…..Gilda Radner

Norman Lear: As you all know, Chevy Chase isn’t here tonight. Wethought it might not matter. But as the week went on, I noticed somethingwas missing. I didn’t know quite what it was, but there was a lack.. a void.And no one, no one among us, could figure out what it was.. and I wasthinking.. [ pratfalls ] ..about it. And it’s quite possible that’s what itwas. Well, I feel better now, I hope you feel better too, Chevy.

[ dissolve to Chevy on the cover of Photoplay magazine, with Jane Curtin, Laraine Newman, and Gilda Radner appearing over his shoulder ]

[ zoom on the girls, then dissolve to them in the studio ]

Chevy’s Girls: [ singing ]
“When he’s doing “Update”, my heart stands still.
When he says that Franco’s still dead, I could die!”

Gilda Radner:
“When he talks dirty on that phone, it’s like he’s talking to me.
I go to pieces when he sneezes in his tie!”

Chevy’s Girls:
“When he does Gerald Ford, you know I’m never bored.
He says, “No problem”, but I wish that he could see.”

Laraine Newman:
“There is a problem, mine, because I want him so.
And if he takes me in his arms, there would be…”

Chevy’s Girls:
“Chevy! Chevy, I love when you fall down!
Each Saturday Night on my T.V.
Oh, but Chevy, everytime you take that fall,
I wish you that you falling, falling for me.

I know this shouldn’t be said, I wish his girlfriend were dead.
Her tragic “accidental” death I scheme and plot!”

Jane Curtin: “So when in heaven we meet, I will be able to say…”

Chevy’s Girls: “‘Hi, I’m Mrs. Chevy Chase and you’re not!”

Chevy! Chevy, I love when you fall down!
Each Saturday Night on my T.V.”

Laraine Newman: “Oh, but Chevy, everytime you take that fall..”

Chevy’s Girls: “I wish that you were falling…”

Laraine Newman: “Falling for me.”

Gilda Radner: One day, he came into my dressing room.

Jane and Laraine: Do tell!

Gilda Radner: He asked for a match, and I felt my heart swoon!

Jane and Laraine: Then what happened?

Gilda Radner: The show began, he turned around to go, and said goodbye…

Jane and Laraine: Oh no!

Gilda Radner: I asked him to stay, I thought I would die!

Jane and Laraine: Look out! Look out! Look out!

Gilda Radner: He crashed into a wall and there was nothing I could do about it.

Chevy’s Girls:
“Chevy! Chevy, I love when you fall down!
Each Saturday night on my T.V.”

Jane:
“Oh, but Chevy, everytime you take that fall,”
I wish that you were falling…

Chevy’s Girls: “Falling for me!”

[ dissolve back to the cover of Photoplay magazine ]

[ dissolve to wide shot of the audience, zoom in on man with SUPER: “Mentally Undressing Self” ]

[ fade ]

Submitted by: Michael Cauley

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