SNL Transcripts: Norman Lear: 09/25/76: Chevy’s Telephone Fall

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 2

76b: Norman Lear / Boz Scaggs

Chevy’s Telephone Fall

…..Gilda Radner
…..Chevy Chase (voice)

[ open on Gilda Radner sitting behind a desk ]

Gilda Radner: Hi, I’m Gilda Radner. This is the part of the show where we usually do a short scene, and, at the end of it, Chevy takes a fall and then he says, “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!” But I’m afraid I have some bad news for you – right now, CHevy’s in the hospital. You see, last week during the Ford-Carter Debate, he fell and he hurt himself, making America laugh. And, uh.. I guess even though he won’t be here tonight, the show has to go on.. I mean.. he’d want it that way. So, I’m just gonna go ahead and do the scene that Chevy and I rehearsed, and, uh.. start the show, okay?

[ stands up, looks toward burned-out light ]

Chevy! That light burned out again, can you come and fix it? Oh, never mind – I’ll do it! [ she starts to climb ladder ]

[ phone rings; Gilda climbs down and answers it ]Hello?

Voice of Chevy Chase: [ coughing ] Uh.. Gilda?

[ show image of Chevy laying in hospital bed with phone to ear, SUPER: “Voice of Chevy Chase” ]

Gilda Radner: Chevy! Chevy, how are you?

Voice of Chevy Chase: I’m okay. Can you hear me okay?

Gilda Radner: Yeah, I can hear you.

Voice of Chevy Chase: Uh.. I was watching, uh, you know, the “Donald O’Connor Story” on Channel 2, and I flipped the channel-changer, and I saw the show was starting..

Gilda Radner: Yeah.

Voice of Chevy Chase: I’m a little groggy here, but, uh.. I thought maybe you were gonna do a fall or something, and I wanted to make sure you didn’t do it..

Gilda Radner: Oh, no, but Chevy, I want to do it.

Voice of Chevy Chase: Gilda, I don’t.. uh.. want to get in the way.. but I don’t want you to do the fall, it’s too dangerous..

Gilda Radner: No..

Voice of Chevy Chase: I can just tell from what happened to me..

Gilda Radner: Yeah.. no, but, Chevy, nobody could think of anything else to do to open the show.

Voice of Chevy Chase: Can’t you sing or dance, or anything?

Gilda Radner: Chevy, look – it’s not dangerous, and I’m gonna do it. Don’t you worry about it, okay? You just rest.

Voice of Chevy Chase: Gilda, I just..

Gilda Radner: Okay, bye bye! Bye bye, Chevy!

[ hangs up phone, and returns to scene ]

Oh, Chevy, look – that light burned out again.. um.. I’ll go fix it myself.. [ climbs ladder ]

[ phone rings again; Gilda climbs down and answers it ]

Hello?

Voice of Chevy Chase: [ coughing ] Gilda?

[ show second image of Chevy laying in hospital bed with phone to ear, SUPER: “Voice of Chevy Chase” ]

Gilda Radner: Who.. who is it?

Voice of Chevy Chase: Gilda, listen.. this is Chevy again.

Gilda Radner: Oh.

Voice of Chevy Chase: Listen, honey, listen to me closely..

Gilda Radner: Yeah.

Voice of Chevy Chase: First of all, no one’s gonna believe that light bulb thing.. and, second of all, I have a great idea, and this is kind of gonna save us both here, so.. Are you listening closely?

Gilda Radner: Yeah.

Voice of Chevy Chase: Alright, I want you to sit down. Are you sitting down?

Gilda Radner: Yeah, I’m sitting down.

Voice of Chevy Chase: I can see you now – you look lovely.

Gilda Radner: Thank you!

Voice of Chevy Chase: Uh.. take the phone..

Gilda Radner: Yeah.

Voice of Chevy Chase: Take the phone away from your ear, and just put the receiver on the desk.. but stand it upright, you know? Like on its wire.

Gilda Radner: Oh, like this?

Voice of Chevy Chase: Can you hear me? Can you hear me through the earpiece?

Gilda Radner: Yeah, I can har you.

Voice of Chevy Chase: Okay. See the sign in front of you?

Gilda Radner: Yeah?

Voice of Chevy Chase: Your name sign? Your name plate?

Gilda Radner: Yeah?

Voice of Chevy Chase: Take it out of the way, so everybody can see you.

Gilda Radner: Okay.

Voice of Chevy Chase: Now, what I want you to do is, walk the phone, walk it along the edge of the table, across the table there, okay? Like a muppet.

Gilda Radner: Like a muppet?

Voice of Chevy Chase: Yeah. JUst strt walking.. [ as Gilda “walks” the phone ] “Hi-ho, hi-ho.. it’s off to work I go..” Gilda? Gilda, can you hear me?

Gilda Radner: Yeah! Yes!

Voice of Chevy Chase: Alright, at the ednge of the desk, just put your hand out and trip me, okay?

Gilda Radner: Okay, I’ve got you! [ “trips” phone, dropping it over the desk’s edge ]

[ camera closes in on the phone dangling over the desk’s edge ]

Voice of Chevy Chase: “Live, from New York, it’s Saturday Night!”

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