Saturday Night Live Transcripts
Season 2: Episode 3
Cufflinks Of The Gods?
Erica Viedonagen…..Laraine Newman
Erica Viedonagen: Hello, I’m Erica Viedonagen, head of anthrocomedology at Rutledge University. There’s scarcely anyone who hasn’t looked at the stars and wondered if some other form of Comedian existed in another corner of the universe. Since there are billions of solar system capable of supporting comedy, there are probably Comedians more advanced than ourselves, capable of traversing the vast distances of space. How long does it takr a joke to travel through space? Of course, that depends on how subtle it is. But, if Comedians from outer space did visit our planet, were any clues left behind. Looking at the history of comedy, there are many seemingly inexplicable mysteries. Such as this Assyrian clay tablet, one of the earliest records.. [ holds up tablet ] ..made by man, which says, as nearly as we can guess, “Take wife.”[ Music: eerie, dramatic ]
Assyria is here in the fertile crescent. [ points to map ] Now, let’s look at a certain mountain plateau in Peru. If you climb the 4,000 feet of the Andes to Machapulco, and traverse this plateau, you observe remnants of ancient, seemingly haphazard excavations. But if viewed from the air, suddenly, its startling purpose is revealed.[ show “Take My Wife, Please” carved in mountaintop ] [ Music: dramatic sting ]
“Take My Wife, Please” is clearly dug into the landscape for the purpose of making someone in a flying vehicle laugh. But the most awesome evidence exits on a lonely island 3,000 miles off the coast of Chile, Passover Island. [ points to map ] The 2,000 native inhabitants still practice an ancient ritual before a huge pair of limestone cufflinks.
Each cufflink is over 30 feet high and weighs 800 tons. [ holds tape recorder ] The ceremonial garb of the natives is made from reeds and bears a striking resemblance to tuxedos. Listen to this tape recording I made myself of one such ceremony. [ turns on tape recorder ][ sound effects loop of the Carson audience going “Ay-oh!” ]
Voice On Tape: “Take wife, please.”
Erica Viedonagen: Is it coincedence that the same joke occurred to men who never knew that the other civilization even existed, or was the joke passed on by Coemdians in spaceships capable of traveling these great distances? But why should Comedians travel across the galaxy? Perhaps to get to the other side. If they should return, maybe we can learn soem new jokes from them.[ Music: symphonic climax ] [ SUPER: “Cufflinks Of The Gods” ] [ fade ]