SNL Transcripts: Buck Henry: 10/30/76: Buck Henry’s Monologue



 Saturday Night Live Transcripts


  Season 2: Episode 6



76f: Buck Henry / The Band

Buck Henry’s Monologue

…..Buck Henry

Buck Henry: Thank you all very much! I’d like to say that it’s nice to be with this incredible crew of actors and performers. You know, you’ve read a lot of stuff about the Not Ready For Prime Time Players in the newspapers, and what you’ve read is junk – none of it is true. They’re average, terrific, talented kids.. and-

Take Jane Curtin, for instance. That cool.. interesting-looking beauty. Uh.. she’s got a perfectly normal life – she lives with her husband, and they do what every couple doe.. and every Saturday night, when it’s showtime, all those bruises have disappeared. There isn’t a scar, there isn’t a welt, there isn’t a mark – nothing!

Belushi? A great character actor. You’ve seen him play part after part, and he’s really sensational. There is no way to tell how heavily in debt ot the mafia he is. I mean, that’s got nothing to do with his talent!

Laraine? She’s twenty-three – twenty-three years old! And that’s a talented kid – where does she get it? They say that, you know, comedy often comes from pain – and sure, probably a lot of people have heard it. A lot of men have heard it. Hundreds of men have heard it. Hundreds, maybe thousands. But that has nothing to do with what she gives us out here every Saturday.

And Danny? Aykroyd? You think he’s weird? Weird? ‘Cause he sleeps with a bicycle chain in his mouth?! That’s not weird! He loves – has love – he’s filled with love. Not people; animals, mostly. Uh.. there’s a goat in his dressing room – he didn’t want me to tell you about that..

Listen! Let’s talk about Gilda for a moment. She is perhaps the sweetest member of the group. She’s got the biggest heart, she’s close to her family. Very close to her brother.. she lives with her brother.. she’s extremely close to her brother. Her doctor is.. worired. Not alarmed – he just thinks a child at this time would be unwise.

But.. what.. I mean, these things don’t matter – let’s take Garrett Morris. Talk about talent! He can act, he can sing, he can dance – I’ve seen his writing, it’s sensational! He’s got another talent you probably don’t- [ stops himself ] ..He’d be embarrassed, if I, uh.. told you. Oh, well. [ a beat ] Cannibalism. I mean, uh.. [ catches himself ] I’m sorry.. did I say “cannibalism”? I meant, “skiing”. I must have been thinking of the.. Alps and the Andes, and that.. that.. thing.. well, what does it matter! He.. he skis and he’s a wonderful cook, and he goes up in that lodge in the Andes and he.. and he cooks, and uh.. Leg of White Men – stuff like that! He’s an incredible guy.

Now, let’s talk about Chevy. As you know, it’s his last show. And you probably think, from reading in the papers, that he’s going to Hollywood, he’s going to fame, fortune and all that garbage. He is not interested, he doesn’t give a hoot.. about his career. He is leaving this show Monday.. simply to be with Lloyd. They’re opening a dress shop together and with what Lloyd knows about business, and Chevy’s interest in, and knowledge about, women’s clothes, we know it’s going to be successful, and we wish them the very best and we’ll be right back!

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