SNL Transcripts: Buck Henry: 10/30/76: Mr. Mike’s Least-Loved Bedtime Tales


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 6

76f: Buck Henry / The Band

Mr. Mike’s Least-Loved Bedtime Tales

Written by: Michael O’Donoghue

Mr. Mike…..Michael O’Donaghue

[A graphic reads: Least-Loved Bedtime Tales. Dissolveto that thin, bearded literary genius, MichaelO’Donoghue — perhaps better known as “Mr. Mike” –directly addressing the camera. He wears a dark suit,no tie, a white shirt open at the collar, dark glassesand an adhesive bandage on his left temple.]

Michael O’Donoghue: Good evening, I’m MichaelO’Donoghue and tonight’s Least-Loved Bedtime Tale’sentitled “The Enchanted Thermos” and it takes place inthe frozen north. Picture this: an Eskimo — in fact– in fact, the LITTLEST Eskimo — how’s that, huh?The LITTLEST Eskimo is lost in the trackless waste –cold, tired, half-dead from hunger. Then, in thedistance, he spots a brightly colored Thermos buriedin a snowdrift. He races toward it, his tiny heartpounding with excitement. Obviously, since he IS theLITTLEST Eskimo, he’d have a tiny heart, perhaps eventhe tiniest. Picking up the Thermos, he unscrews thered plastic top that also serves as a cup, pulls therubber stopper, and — kazam! — out pops a genie in aparka who says, “I can give you anything you want aslong as it’s made out of snow.” “I’m SO hungry,” saidthe Eskimo, “Could you please make me dinner?” “Surething,” replied the genie and within seconds he hadprepared a delicious dinner of snow cutlets stuffedwith snow, snow casserole, snow patties, snow salad, aside of snow, snow pudding, and a generous glass ofslush. “Oh, boy!” exclaimed the littlest Eskimo, tooka few bites and fell into a coma. About ten minuteslater, he was dead. The genie went through his pocketsand then crawled back inside the Thermos to get warm.The end. I would like to leave you with this thought.As you probably know, the fingernails do continue togrow after death so, in a sense — in a very realsense — we all turn into Chinese mandarins beyond thegrave. Good night.

[Dissolve to the graphic that reads: Least-LovedBedtime Tales.]

Submitted Anonymously

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King is directing his fourteenth season of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him nine Emmys and thirteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for thirteen DGA Awards and won in 2014, 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019. Mr. King is also the creative director of Broadway Worldwide which brings theatrical events to theaters. The company has produced Smokey Joe’s Café; Putting It Together with Carol Burnett; Jekyll & Hyde; and Memphis, all directed by Mr. King. He completed the screen capture of Broadway's Romeo & Juliet in 2013. - LinkedIn

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