SNL Transcripts: Paul Simon: 11/20/76: Quarry


 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 8

76h: Paul Simon / George Harrison


Written by: Michael O’Donoghue

Farmwife…..Jane Curtin

Jingle: “This world’s a-changing faster than a teardrop turns to laughter
But some things never change, and they’re the things that really matter.
Like weather vanes and country lanes, where crickets chirp at night
And breakfast in the early morning starts your day off right.”

[ cut to interior farmhouse kitchen table, breakfast time ]

Farmwife: Out here on the farm, breakfast is our most important meal. That’s why we start each day the natural way. With a big brimming bowl.. of Quarry. [ shows product ] [ family members pour the rocks from the box into their bowls ]

Farmwife: Quarry contains no preservatives, no additives, no artificial flavoring. And it’s made without the use of pesticides or inorganic fertilizer. Because Quarry isn’t grown; it’s mined. It’s the only cereal that’s pure 100% rocks and pebbles, for a hearty old-fashioned flavor the whole family will enjoy.

[ flash cuts of family “chewing” on the rocks in their bowls ]

Son: Great, Mom!

Farmer: This is really good.

Daughter: Delicious!

Farmwife: And it’s good for them. Because every serving is chockful of minerals.

Daughter: I like Quarry ’cause it’s crunchy.

Farmwife: What?

Daughter: [ louder ] I said, I like Quarry ’cause it’s crunchy!

Farmwife: So, if breakfast is important to you, try Quarry.

Jingle: “Like swimmin’ holes and brimmin’ bowls
of cereal made from stone.

Announcer: Quarry. Better tasting ’cause it’s mined.

[ dissolve to audience overhead shot, zoom in one woman with SUPER: “Confused Garfunkel Groupie” ]

SNL Transcripts

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Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020.

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