SNL Transcripts: Paul Simon: 11/20/76: The Twilite Zone

 Saturday Night Live Transcripts

  Season 2: Episode 8

76h: Paul Simon / George Harrison

The Twilite Zone

Rod Serling…..Dan Aykroyd
Starlet #1……Jane Curtin
Starlet #2……Laraine Newman
Starlet #3……Gilda Radner
Room Service…..Garrett Morris

Rod Serling: You’re traveling to another dimension. A dimension of time and space. A dimension of sight and mind. You’re moving into a land of both shadow and substance. You’ve just crossed over into.. “The Twilite Zone”.

[ fade into motel room, Starlet #1 unpacking ]

Meet Peggy Martin. Age 27. A struggling actress working as a model. Told to meet a certain producer by her agent. Peggy has just checked into Room 16 of the Blaine Motel. A motel where there are no check-out times, no room service, and, for some reason, no sinks. She’s just gotten a room reserved for guests of “The Twilite Zone”.

[ pan to Rod narrating, smiles wickedly as the image slow-fades to the doorknob turning ]

Starlet #2: [ enters room, startling Starlet #1 ] I’m terribly sorry!

Starlet #1: My goodness! You frightened me!

Starlet #2: I’m.. I’m supposed to meet someone here. This is Room 16, isn’t it?

Starlet #1: Yes.

Rod Serling: Meet Sylvia Townsend. Age 26. A struggling actress working nights as a cocktail waitress at the Alpatrino, a seedy establishment patronized by down-and-out theatrical agents. Sylvia, too, has just checked into “The Twilite Zone”.

Starlet #1: [ sighing ] You frightened me at first. They must have made a mistake at the desk. Here.. you sit, and I’ll go call.

Starlet #2: This really is unusual. A customer of mine said he was a producer, and he had me meet him up here in this room for an audition.

Starlet #1: [ checking phone ] The line is dead.

[ doorknob turns again, as Starlet #3 enters ]

Starlet #3: Oh! Is this Room 16?

Starlet #1 & #2: [ frightened ] Yes!!

Starlet #3: No wonder it was only $7 a night – you have to share.

Rod Serling: Meet Rhonda Friedman. Age 26. A struggling actress currently working in a factory testing rubber gloves for imperfections. What Rhonda doesn’t know, is that she, too, has just entered “The Twilite Zone”.

Starlet #1: I guess there must be something wrong with the manager of this place, sending all three of us young actresses to the same room.

[ a knock at the door ]

All: [ trembling ] What is it?!

Room Service: Rooooom Service!

Starlet #3: Room Service? [ opens door ]

Room Service: Uh-huh. Champagne.

Starlet #3: Champagne?

Room Service: Yes.

Starlet #3: [ reads the note ] It’s from a.. Mr. Serling..?

[ show Rod Serling doffing his hat to the camera ]

Starlet #1: That’s funny.. I didn’t know this motel had Room Service..

[ Room Service exits ]

Starlet #2: Wait.. there’s more.. [ reading ] “Compliments of.. ‘The Twilite Zone'”..

[ the Starlets scream as the hear the door being locked behind them ]

Rod Serling: Submitted for your approval: three pretty girls, all of them actresses, locked in a motel room, each possessing similar charms and talents. Victims of a bizarre joke, perhaps. Or perhaps this: a man creates a television show. He goes to a lot of parties. He meets a lot of pretty actresses. He wakes up in the morning, perhaps he’s had a little too much to drink. He doesn’t remember the promises he made the night before. Although he’s a brilliant writer and creator, he’s also human, and he has his needs. That’s why he arranged this meeting, and, in a few moments, will cross forever into “The Twilite Zone”.

[ Serling enters motel room set, pours champagne for the Starlets ]

[ dissolve to wide shot of audience, zoom into man with SUPER: “Thought This Was A Peer Group” ] [ fade ]

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